Overcome by a predictable sense of anti-climax, I cradled my Tequila Sunrise and watched them pray at a shrine before executing their half-pikes and double-gainers against the night sky ... They are in the air for three seconds and enter the water at 80km/h. The channel is 4m deep. The show is billed as "The World's First Extreme Sport Spectacle".
"I wouldn't do it myself," a portly middle-aged waiter told me. He didn't specify whether he meant diving or wearing tight trunks.
The jobs are handed down from father to son. The current divers are aged between 12 and 30. Service in the bar can be slow. Especially if you get an ex-diver as your waiter. It's hard to get the attention of someone with burst eardrums. These are occupational hazards in Mexican light entertainment. Whether cliff divers or marimba bands.
The Mirador is five minutes from the city centre and reached via "L'Avenida Costeras Miguel Aleman", named after the Mexican President who, by getting rid of the chickens, sleeping drunks and black pigs, built the Sun Highway from the capital. The country's first tourist resort, with its "elegant lodging options", was born. When Cancun was just a twinkle in a Tikki hut mogul's eye.
The famous boulevard or "Strip" comprises stylish "Stuff-Yourself-Stupid Buffet Breakfast" and "Waffle Clearance" signs. And the national collection of neon and tat.
"It's got more rubbers on it than anywhere," said Benny, referring to the trees. Benny sat at the table next to mine. He is one of those men who masters his nerves by talking. He likes to talk and has only a mild interest in listening. He has no misgivings about monopolising the conversation. His garrulity he identifies as "charisma".
Benny was with his new wife. They met online and courted via Skype. She had hair like a very yellow labrador and her lipstick looked like it had been applied with a fluorescent marker pen. Her makeup looked like it had been supervised by Coco the Clown rather than Coco Chanel.
Benny told me he had honeymooned six times in Acapulco and always took in the show.
"It's a great show. And the food is great," said his latest bride. Her smile made her look like she had just eaten all the things in the world that give you terrible wind.
"Acapulco's got everything," continued Mrs Benny.
"Seal shows and water parks. A great aquarium. The works."
"It's great for shopping too," swooned Benny.
"They've got a fort as well. I've never been. But it's meant to be kinda historical. I'm not crazy about forts myself."
The divers were now jumping with flares. I was beginning to feel like throwing myself over the cliff edge and joining them.
"The weather's dynamite too. It's so sunny."
Thankfully, Benny ignored me for a while.
"That's why it's a resort, honey. You can't have a resort without sun."
I wondered how long Benny would take to once again regard himself as fascinating. And when he would recover the power of boring me. It wasn't long.
"Lana Turner lived here! Rambo was filmed here. And Henry Kissinger honeymooned here. What's good enough for Henry is good enough for me."
His wife affectionately squeezed her husband's thigh. His teeth shimmered in the moonlight.
Another diver crashed head first into the gorge below. But it was me who was suffering a dramatic and debilitating loss of all my cognitive powers. The conversation was far more concussive than the dives.
They had no agave wine. So, catching the waiter's eye, I ordered another traditional Mexican sedative.
"And don't go easy on the worm."
CHECKLIST
Getting there: Air New Zealand flies twice daily to Los Angeles from Auckland, increasing to three flights from December to March. From there, codeshare partner United Airways continues to Mexico City.
