KEY POINTS:
A - The locals of the Caribbean island nation of Aruba serve up a mean iguana which tastes a lot like chicken. Not only will it satisfy any rumbling tums but being an aphrodisiac it will also 'strengthen your back'. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
B - Two words:
Belgium and beer. If God didn't want us to drink beer he wouldn't have made Trappist monks and clay bowls of garlic mussels. Be it Duvel or Hooegaarden the words on everyone's lips are schol! and sante! (Cheers! in Flemish and French.)
C - Ceviche - raw seafood marinated in lime juice and coconut, served fresh on beaches the length and breadth of Central and South America. Served not so fresh, probably with cholera, in the interior.
D - Say cheese, Dutch cheese. Gouda, blue, edam. So many types and so little time; someone pass a cracker.
E - Good English food is often considered a contradiction in terms but there is more on offer than mushy peas and mashed potatoes. There are [also] jellied eels. Yum. Things have improved ... the Indians arrived and now everyone eats curries.
F- French cuisine even sounds delicious, just rolling off your tongue directly to your waistline. "Come here, you naughty little croissant." Of course there are French fries but I'm holding Belgium and McDonald's responsible for that contribution to the world kitchen.
G - Breakfast? How about a soup called khachi made from tripe and cow hoof? If you can stomach that you may be in for a real treat: beetroot paste mixed with garlic and walnuts (pkhali ). Delicious I'm sure but I'll pass; thanks anyway, Georgia.
H - Ask any God-fearing Saudi Arabian how they like their camel and the answer is always the same - halal slaughtered (as an offering to God while the butcher faced Mecca) served on a bed of steaming rice.
I - From biryanis to vegetable thalis, Indian with its exhaustive selection of curries is a vegetarian's dream cuisine. Interestingly enough there is no such word as 'curry' in India itself; the English coined the phrase to generally describe spicy Indian food. At any rate, wash it down with a sweet or salty lassi (drinking yoghurt) and, for more bang for your buck, the special lassi comes with hashish.
J - Arguably the most famous of all Jewish foods - the humble bagel, and there are none better than those you'll find in any New York deli. Ironically, they go great with bacon, but it's hardly kosher. Luckily they are also great with lox (salmon) and cream cheese.
K - If you ever find yourself in North Korea you might want to try bibim naengmyeon (cold noodles), bi bim bap (stir fry) or kimchi (spicy cabbage pickle). Who am I trying to kid? Just go with whatever the official tour and your compulsory escort will allow.
L - Lebanon is the biblical land of milk and honey and the Lebanese make the most of their resources. Pop into any one of Beirut's bakeries for a sugar high on tooth-achingly sweet baklava (filo pastries drenched in honey).
M - Malaysians say the durian fruit is delicious. But as one traveller phrased it, 'They smell like shit, taste like shit and look like shit - unless you have the durian ice cream which smells like shit, tastes like shit but looks like ice cream.' Its odour is so offensive that it's banned on buses in Singapore.
N - Oodles of noodles - what would Asia be without them? Start the day with foe, breakfast noodles from Laos. Lunch on the Vietnamese staple, pho, and for dinner, Japanese ramen. Just don't forget to slurp - loudly.
O - May I recommend something from Oman? Macboos perhaps, a delicious meal of meat, rice, limes, spices and onion. Or vegetarians may opt for okra, one of the most disgusting vegetables on God's green earth. Okra are pods of mucus, something akin to what you sneeze out when suffering from a nasty chest cold.
P - Not so long ago the main course in a Papua New Guinean banquet may have been you, but breathe easy, the last recorded instance of ritualised cannibalism was in 1959.
Q - After a hard day haggling in the markets of Qatar try a refreshing glass of qahwe - it goes great with wara enab (stuffed vine leaves).
R - Know that in Rwanda mutton doesn't come from a sheep; it's goat. No cause for alarm because the two are virtually indistinguishable; both delicious barbecued over charcoal.
S - The Scots are responsible for haggis (stuffed stomach - I'm not referring to the meal, I mean you'll be eating
T - Aromatic Thai food; an irresistible combination of sweet, sour and salty. Lemon grass, green papaya, fresh coconut milk, kaffir limes and spiced prawns. With such mouth-watering gastronomic delights it's hard to fathom why all Thais aren't the size of small whales.
U - The United States have given us fast food and Coca-Cola. Coming to a previously remote corner near you, a McDonald's, Burger King, KFC and a Wendy's franchise. Cheers, Uncle Sam.
V - Communion at Vatican City, the home of Catholicism. Symbolically partake of the Body of Christ (wafer) and drink the Blood of Christ (wine). Amen.
W - Be careful when ordering bread in Wales. Laver bread is in fact boiled seaweed mixed with oatmeal. Instead ask for bara brith (fruited tea loaf).
X - In the Guatemalan city of Xela (Quetzaltenango) be sure to try the indigenous speciality, pepian (chicken in a sesame sauce).
Y - Some like it hot. If you're one of them, have you considered a salta - an eye-watering stew of lamb, beans and peppers from Yemen? Be warned though: being Islamic there will be no beer to wash it down with.
Z - 'Z' is for zebra and you can eat one (legally) at Nairobi's Carnivore restaurant where they are grilled on gigantic skewers over an open fire.
