How to catch an emu in five easy steps.
Step One: Wave an old woollen blanket like a matador’s cape.
Step Two: Advance toward the emu, holding the blanket.
Step Three: Try to corner it, and pray it doesn’t rip the legs off the poor lady in the summer dress and sandals, bravely waving her bare arms around.
Step Four: Get a firefighter, preferably from Kaiwaka, wearing heavy protective clothing, to tackle the emu.
Step Five: With your pants shredded from the emu’s claws, lie on top of it and proudly declare “only Kaiwaka could do this!”.
