Romance a mouse click away for lonely hearts

By GINNY ANDERSON

You will need more than one pseudonym to do it. Add in lashings of spare time, an internet connection and if you are game, a digital photograph.

Kiwis may not be convinced of the validity of Valentine's Day, but that does not mean they are completely lacking in the romance stakes.

In fact, many are eagerly logging on to the net in a bid to unearth the man or woman of their dreams.

A couple of Auckland gentlemen have struck it lucky, courting their partners with a keyboard, an imagination and a whole lot of courage.

Simon, a 35-year-old technical writer, admits he has found most of his recent girlfriends through internet dating service www.match.co.nz, a site he describes as professional and well-monitored.

"There are plenty of weirdos out there so it pays to meet people through a reputable site.

"For 30 to 40 bucks a month I can connect with hundreds of like-minded people. I won't always find romance, but often friendship. What matters is, it's fun."

Simon, a divorced father-of-two, says the internet provides him with a safe vehicle for making acquaintances, without having to leave home.

"I've actually never dated before. I was married at 20, and after my marriage I had another two-year relationship.

"Now that I am single, I don't want to go to the pub and 'score' and I'm not the type to hit on my friends.

"The reality is it can be very hard to meet new people. That's where the net is great."

But there are risks, too.

"It's important to have an alias - I have about three. It's a safety thing. You shouldn't reveal your personal details to the whole world.

"You never know where the next axe-murderer is lurking.

"I also make sure that I keep my personal e-mail address separate from my work address," he says.

Since Simon has been logging on to match.co.nz over the past few months, he has met four women.

The first he dated for three days, the next for one and another for two months.

"They all had great personalities, but when I finally met them, it just didn't work out.

"One woman was a lot larger than I expected. I'm quite athletic and I'm looking for a similar body type.

"And, well ... the other woman lied about smoking."

Just recently, Simon has met someone special. In fact, she made the first move after spotting his profile and photograph on the site.

"The funny thing is she lives 500m down the road."

He says another positive aspect of chatting via e-mail, or through virtual chatrooms is the ability to pick up clues about someone's personality before picking up the phone.

"I can find out if she swears, if she has a sense of humour and if she's honest. If you're not, you will get found out eventually."

Background information is also available through registered profiles, says Simon, like whether they have children, what their interests are and what they are looking for in a partner.

"I only search the profiles that have photos attached. Many women find this too intimidating. I'd say only 15 to 20 per cent of females end up doing it."

Not all chat-users prefer photographs in the initial stages of a relationship.

Jim, a 30-year-old mowing contractor, says he likes chatting over the net because it helps him to take people for what they are, rather than what they look like.

"Inhibitions disappear. It's a great way for shy people to make new friends."

Jim met his present girlfriend through the Auckland Global Chatroom, a room that is not even aimed at dating.

"We chatted for a couple of weeks, got on really well, then decided to e-mail each other photographs.

"The next step was meeting for coffee. I was so nervous, but it worked out really well - we're still seeing each other."

Many of Jim's friends have been discovered over the internet. A motorsport fanatic, he often chats in groups dedicated to this topic.

He is off to Australia soon to catch up with some mates he met online. And they are not all fellas.

"If I wasn't seeing my current girlfriend, I wouldn't be afraid to spark something up with a girl overseas.

"And there's another woman who lives in the States - if it wasn't for financial constraints one of us would jump on a plane straight away."

Both Jim and Simon say they are shy, but Simon says it is less inhibiting to express emotions via e-mail or through chatrooms.

"You can create all sorts of innuendo without feeling self-conscious.

"After a while you can actually hear the other person talking. The symbols available on chat software help add expression and tone to conversations."

These acronyms and "emoticons" are familiar to regular chat-users. For instance, TIC, which means tongue in cheek, or LMAO, which is short for laughing my ass off.

On a more romantic note, :'-) means so happy she/he is crying, while :-ss means user drools.

Another language? You bet. Simon says it is a way of communicating unlike any other because the written word is in real time.

"You have to think before you type, which often prevents you from offending people."

Simon hopes he will not offend anyone by not joining in the Valentine's Day spirit, but he is simply not a believer.

"I think it's an overtly commercial day. If I'm serious about a person, I'd send them flowers any day of the year."

As for Jim, he thinks a bottle of wine and flowers ordered over the net will be just the thing.

Links:

match.co.nz

Xtra Chat

More Valentine's Day links

Loads of sites are dedicated to the history of Valentine's Day, and many more either celebrate or revile it.

Here are a few of the more worthwhile addresses:

Xtra's Valentine's site

History of Valentine's Day

Tips on writing love letters

The science of love

Anti-Valentine rant

Shakespeare's love sonnets