Peter Sinclair: Let's go for the untouchable IgNobel

It's always the same, isn't it? They've pinched our Nobel Prize again.

From Phar Lap to Fred Dagg, the Aussies are always quick to hijack a Kiwi as soon as he's famous enough. We're used to that.

But when it comes to something as important as a Nobel, the big boys barge in. First it was Maurice Wilkins who, although somewhat obscured by the looming shadows of Crick and Watson, was instantly snapped up by the British in 1962 - even a minor Nobel laureate is better than nothing.

They did exactly the same thing in 1908 with Ernest Rutherford, and we've been trying to bribe the world with our $100 bill into accepting the truth about his origins ever since.

Now the Americans have kidnapped Professor Alan MacDiarmid: "The chemistry Nobel went to two Americans and a Japanese for their discovery that plastic can be made conductive to electricity" - that was the report that flashed round the world last week.

I don't care if Professor MacDiarmid has been living in Pennsylvania since before the Beatles - that wise old face peeping out from the pipettes cries "Masterton!" loud and clear from every crease.

Maybe it's time we concentrated instead on the alternatives to Stockholm. I don't think anyone, not even an Aussie, would try to steal an IgNobel off us. This year's were awarded on Thursday evening, October 5, 2000, at Harvard University.

Britain rose particularly well to the challenge of research which "cannot or should not be reproduced": experiments in frog levitation took Physics (includes actual movie of actual flying frog); a paper on the prevalence of collapsing toilets in Glasgow won Public Health; and the Royal Navy ran off with the Peace Prize by getting the sailors aboard HMS Cambridge, near Plymouth, to just shout "Bang!" rather than fire off real rounds at £642 a pop, so to speak; though ratings who feel this economy measure betrays the spirit of Drake and Nelson look like staging the first Royal Naval mutiny of the 21st century.

Gourmets in particular will respect fearless biology laureate Richard Wassersug, of Nova Scotia's Dalhousie University, for his first-hand report On the Comparative Palatability of Some Dry-Season Tadpoles from Costa Rica, published in the American Midland Naturalist. I must ask Michael James if he's read it.

Australia received the prize for Literature: Jasmuheen (once known as Ellen Greve), doyenne of Breatharianism, for her book Living on Light, which explains that though some people may eat food - the lady has been caught nibbling on a chocolate bikkie from time to time - they don't actually need to.

If Australia can do it, so can we. I see no reason why, with a bit of No 8 wire and some Kiwi ingenuity, we can't scoop up an IgNobel ourselves one of these years.

At least the Brits and Americans won't make off with it ...

BOOKMARKS:

This week your columnist makes another doomed attempt to keep his head above water, that rising tide of incoming web addresses which daily floods his inbox ...

MOST FUN: Sharebrilliance

Investment game that lets you develop share-trading skills and learn about the New Zealand and Australian Stock Exchanges without risking the housekeeping - plus they promise chances of serious prize money to sharpen you up. Run with your hunches all week using actual stocks at the real prices. Free end-of-day data downloads.

Advisory: unleash your inner Gates.

USEFUL: United Airlines

I haven't flown United since the seventies, but I always used to love its indomitably blond, slightly leathery hosties (do not write or call, I'm sure they're all stunning these days) with their big, symmetrical American smiles and generous hand on the gin-bottle.

Their new local website, unfortunately, is rather less interactive than those Good Ol' Gals of years gone by, although it does have the usual itinerary, accommodation and rental-car functions. AirPass involves calling an 0800 number, Round-the-World Trips ends in the pointlessness of "contact your travel agent" and a touted E-Checkin still requires you to present yourself 90 minutes before takeoff (rather than 120). Most of its links are to pamphlet-style blocks of text.

Advisory: flight-information paging to mobile phones sounds reasonably cool.

MORE USEFUL: BachClub

Taking the hassle out of your shared bach (crib, whatever), this free new online service lets you manage bookings, usage, maintenance, and provides a secure private facility for bach communities to jointly look after a holiday home.

Advisory: everything you need to know about owning, running and enjoying a bach.

DISTINCTLY USEFUL: HowToLaw

Free general legal information for local surfers, plus a search facility for legal and accounting practitioners nationwide - 65 so far - that you can e-mail for further advice with no initial charge.

Advisory: simple how-to format makes navigation a breeze.

MOST USEFUL OF ALL: ChangeMyAddress

Lets you inform companies and organisations you're on your way and where you're heading. Check the boxes on their handy 80-day moving time-line and inventory worksheet, swot up their invaluable packing tips. Free, secure - you're out of here.

Advisory: you could visit www.imove.com.au for purposes of comparison.

Links:

Nobel Prize

Maurice Wilkins

Ernest Rutherford

Professor Alan MacDiarmid

IgNobel

Frog Levitation

Collapsing toilets in Glasgow

Royal Navy

Dalhousie University

American Midland Naturalist

Breatharianism

Self-Empowerment Academy

Sharebrilliance

United Airlines

BachClub

HowToLaw

ChangeMyAddress

www.imove.com.au

E-mail: petersinclair@email.com