Opinion: Dane Haskell on treasuring our tamariki

Dane Haskell, Taranaki Safe Families Trust co-ordinator.

Kia ora whānau.

I want to continue from last month's column about treasuring our children.

Too often we focus on the horrific stories and woeful statistics associated with family violence, particularly around tamariki.

Let's now look at some positive strategies and tips to help make our little ones feel happier and safer.

Be a good role model:
Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents.
The younger they are, the more they absorb.
Before you get angry and upset in front of your child, think about this: Is that how I want them to behave when they get angry?
Model the traits you want to see in your kids: respect, kindness, honesty, tolerance. Express thanks and offer compliments. Do things for others without expecting a reward. Our tamariki will grow up thinking it's totally normal and replicate it.

Focus on the positives:
We tend to focus on and make big deals about our kid's negative or anti-social behaviour, but how often do we make big deals and highlight the positive actions?
Probably not enough, as we tend to expect good behaviour.
Make a point to praise as much as you can, especially in times of resilience.
For example, "I could see you getting frustrated playing with your cousin, but you were very patient and kept calm, well done!"

Make communication a priority:
We have to give the young ones respect and acknowledge their intelligence.
They want and deserve explanations when you've asked them to do something.
We need to move away from "because I said so!"
Kids will begin to wonder about our motives and values and whether they have any basis if we don't take the time to explain.
If we reason with them, it will allow them to understand in a non-judgemental way and strengthen the relationship.

Show that your love is unconditional:
As parents, we are responsible for guiding our tamariki.
Remember, how we express our guidance makes all the difference as to how they receive it.
When addressing an issue avoid blaming, criticising or fault-finding.
Instead, strive to encourage and nurture and make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love for them is there no matter what.