Editorial: Just as there are firsts, so there are lasts, we just don’t always know they are coming

The first day of school is a special moment in your parenting journey, but so too is the last, writes Ilona Hanne. Photo / Unsplash

Unsurprisingly, at the start of the year, I find myself thinking about the many firsts life brings us, not just the first day of a month or even a year.

The first smile. First tooth. First solid food. First steps. First haircut. First sleep in a “big bed”. First day at school.

Parenting comes with so many firsts, some faithfully recorded in Plunket Well Child books and others more likely you wish you could forget (the first time they threw a tantrum, threw up, or just went through the so-called terrible twos ...).

I will admit, I haven’t been great at recording those firsts. Three Plunket books in the “important document drawer” bear testimony to that, as does my generally blank or panicked look when I am asked how old a child was when their first tooth came through, or what day they took their first steps on.

I might not remember the exact dates, but I do remember the feels. That moment of excitement when a baby first looks directly at you and gives you the biggest, gummiest smile ever, to the split emotion of the first day at school - where one part of your heart is so excited for their new journey and the other part is missing them before they have even waved goodbye at the classroom door.

I was prepared for all those firsts of course. Thanks to ante-natal classes, friends and family, and plenty of parenting books, I knew parenting came with plenty of firsts that would hit me emotionally over the years. What I hadn’t realised though, was that parenting also comes with some lasts.

Just as there was the first time I read a bedtime story to my child tucked up in their newly acquired “big kid bed” so too at some point, there was the last time I read them a bedtime story. The difference is, while I know the first time was exactly that, I didn’t see that last time coming. Neither did I spot the creep up of the last time I nursed my child, any more than I saw the last time I had to watch Dora the Explorer on repeat. I didn’t note the date of the last time we sang The Wheels on the Bus while on a family road trip, but yet here we are - with road trip soundtracks now a mishmash of the eclectic musical tastes of two teenagers and one nearly-teen.

Had I known those moments were to have been the lasts, I might have treasured them more.

Had I known that last road trip was the last to feature The Wheels on the Bus, I would have sung just a little bit louder, and added an extra verse or two. That final bedtime story would probably have involved a bit more dramatic re-enactment, an extra chapter when asked, and maybe even a rolling credits scene at the end (in my imagination at least). But, just like that first smile, no warning is given. Just bang, one day that’s it - wham, bam, thank you mum, but you are no longer needed for storytelling - I can read by myself now and prefer it that way.

Some lasts do come with a warning, and this year I know there are many lasts coming my way. As my eldest enters Year 13, I know the obligatory photo I take of him in his uniform ready for the first school day of the year will also be the last “first day of the school year” photo I take of him. There will also be a “last time I watch him lead the parade at air cadets” moment and even a last time I find myself chasing the school bus to Midhirst because he overslept.

Knowing this year is to be the year of lasts I am going to try to enjoy each moment a little bit more, even the unplanned road trips to Midhirst, and whether your parenting journey is still in the world of firsts, or like mine moving into the world of lasts, I encourage you to do the same. As we move into this first month of a new year, remember to enjoy all the moments before they fade into memory (oh, and if you can, remember to write some of those firsts down into that darn Plunket book - learn from my failures).