Opinion: Dane Haskell - men can be victims too

Dane Haskell is the co-ordinator for Taranaki Safe Families Trust.

Family violence affects every group in society. It doesn't discriminate.

It doesn't care if you are wealthy or living below the bread line. It doesn't care if you identify as male, female or other. Either victim or perpetrator, no one is immune.

We tend to stereotype family violence as a scary man physically abusing a defenceless woman. Violence by men is often the most serious and lethal type of family violence in New Zealand, and the victims are predominantly women and children, but it's not the complete story.

Men can be victims too, it's more common than you think and can happen in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Growing research suggests males abused by females is not as rare as it seems.

The reasons for this are tied up in society's stereotypical attitudes of rigid gender roles. Men are far more unlikely to report the abuse for fear of not being believed, of being accused of being the instigator or being seen as less of a man.

Along with stereotypical attitudes comes old prejudices.

"How much damage can she do to him? He's twice her size", "Surely it's self defence if a woman hits a man" or "What kind of a man lets his woman treat him like that?"

But it does happen. People tend to look at the sheer physical difference between men and women and think it's impossible for a man to assault a woman. They don't take into consideration the use of weapons, surprise attacks, destroying processions, threatening the children, harming of pets and the use of psychological and emotional abuse which we now know can be just as damaging as a physical attack.

If you're a man in an abusive relationship it's important to know you are not alone. It happens to men from all walks of life and it's not okay.

One thing we can do as a society is to be open-minded when approaching these complex issues. We should create safe opportunities for abused men to come forward, without fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously.

We need more services for men who are victims of family violence. All victims of violence need to be offered support, compassion and interventions, and all perpetrators need to be offered support and the opportunity to change their behavior.

If you need help, contact: Safe to Talk, Free Txt 4334; Shine, 0508 744 633; Family Violence Info Line – 0800 456 450.