The best we have in New Zealand is a pre-match band, irrelevant cheerleaders and a naff halftime obstacle challenge put on by a game-day sponsor.
A new research paper out of Sydney asked fans what they hate most about live sport. They said:
1. Food - fans are over greasy, over-priced food. They don't want pies, chips and hot dogs any more.
2. Entertainment - fans want more bang for their buck.
3. Screens and scoreboards - there aren't enough, they're too hard to see.
4. Transport to and from stadiums.
5. Stadium management - how security treat punters on game day.
These findings are in keeping with the hours of talkback I've taken on this issue over the years. Paying through the nose for food you wouldn't buy anywhere else is far and away the biggest reason fans are saying no to live sport.
I know stadiums are looking at the issue, but as long as you have one central caterer, I fear things aren't going to change in a hurry.
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Why New Zealand needs to get real on stadium size?
The biggest reaction to the Christchurch stadium proposal this week is that, at 25,000 seats with the ability to add another 5000, it's too small.
Why would a city the size of Christchurch need anything over 30,000?
The All Blacks would presumably play there each season - that's one guaranteed sell-out a year.
Don't bank on the Crusaders doing that for anything other than a final.
Let's not ignore trends overseas. The NRL are reassessing their stadium strategies.
Crowds are down and the old Olympic stadium looks awful empty, so they're considering going back to suburban grounds.
Auckland should be looking at a centralised stadium of no more than 35,000 seats. Why go big, when it's going to spend most of its working life half-empty?
Can you imagine the Warriors or Blues, or a Mitre 10 game in a cavernous 50,000 seat stadium?
There's a simple case for smaller equalling better. Create a fabulous, intimate, rectangular arena for not just sport, but events that will make turning up fun and the experience bearable again.
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Who is our first-choice All Black?
I was sent some fascinating stats this week about Ryan Crotty's influence on his teams when he is and isn't playing.
They are not quite at the level of Andrew Johns and the way his Newcastle Knights would fold if he was injured.
But it's clear Crotty, as assistant coach Ian Foster said midweek, is no longer the "Steady Eddy" of the All Blacks.
Which led me into a sporting debate about who are our most valuable All Blacks right now.
In 2016, I would've said Aaron Smith was top of the pops. Before the Lions tour, Beauden Barrett had assumed that mantle.
After listening to several coaches and former All Blacks, I'm wavering. So here's my list now:
1. Brodie Retallick
2. Beauden Barrett
3. Aaron Smith
4. Dane Coles
5. Sam Whitelock
6. Ryan Crotty
