KEY POINTS:
The behaviour on-court at Stanley St this week has been - as always - impeccable. But tennis, more than any other sport, encourages the rogue spirit to rage against injustice, to throw off the shackles of civilised behaviour and call the umpire a fat, useless, incompetent prick.
Winston
Aldworth looks at the best officialdom-defying, racket-smashing tantrums tennis has to offer.
1: Mikhail Youzhny
Racket 3, head nil
You've only got yourself to blame when something goes wrong in a game of singles - there's really no point yelling at the umpire, your opponent, your coach, the crowd or the heavens.
In fact, if you're going to take out your anger on someone best make it yourself.
Such was the logic applied by Russia's Mikhail Youzhny, who tops our list after he applied forehand to forehead and gave himself the bash at last year's Miami Masters tournament. Attempting to come back from 5-4 down in the third set, Youznhy flicked the nut-job switch after fluffing a shot.
The three heavy blows he landed on his own head with the edge of his racket (kids, don't try this at home) left blood gushing, the crowd stunned and the ATP commenting that it was a good thing he didn't play cricket.
The resulting bloodied mess - "almost Van Gogh-like", said one commentator - was one of last year's YouTube classics and proof positive that Russians are not to be messed with.
>>Mikhail Youzhny's reaction to losing a point
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2: John McEnroe
The pits of the world!
The best thing about John McEnroe's numerous brushes with officialdom and his outraged roars against the injustice of life, was the look in his eyes: 50 per cent untamed wildman, 50 per cent little boy on the verge of tears.
For the record, McEnroe's trademark call - "Man, you cannot be serious!" - came at Wimbledon in 1981 during his first-round match against Tom Gullikson. Moments later, he smashed his second racket of the match and informed the umpire: "You guys are the pits of the world!"
They were simpler times and SuperMac struggled to get endorsement deals due to his bad-boy image - a fact that might amuse some of today's highly-paid, spit-roasting English soccer players and one or two dog-fighting NFL footballers.
A calmer soul in the commentary box these days, his younger shadow still stalks centre court where things today are more sedate and fines more costly. McEnroe remains the career template for tennis tantrums and only loses out in a fifth-set tiebreak to Youzhny because he never knowingly drew his own blood.
>>John McInroe's 'pits of the world' outburst
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3: Jimmy Connors
The Royal Rumble
Don't let his late-career revival as the mellow, grand old gent of the tennis circuit fool you, at his peak Jimmy Connors was the least-popular player of his era among both fans and rivals and quite possibly the most foul-mouthed player in the history of the game.
But even by his own high standard for outrage, the aftermath of the 1977 US Open final was something special. Connors was defeated by little-fancied Guillermo Vilas and after the match - the last Open to be contested at the West Side Tennis Club in New York - the crowd ran on to the court.
Connors flipped, taking swings left, right and centrecourt at pitch invaders and scuffling with several. After the match, he declared: "You can take this crowd and shove it. I'm going to Monte Carlo to live."
Fair enough.
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4: Tim Henman
The surprisingly banned man
English summers of the late-1990s and early-noughties simply weren't complete until the tabloid newspapers had turned on Tim Henman following another chin-quivering Wimbledon withdrawal. The "Tiger Tim" headlines and optimistic wave of sun-baked patriotism were hurriedly swept aside as Tim's adoring public turned nasty.
But, for all his faults of mental stamina, Henman was never regarded as a scallywag. If anything, he was considered "too nice to win", lacking the mental edge that the seven-foot tall eastern Europeans who regularly blasted him all over south-west London possessed from childhood years spent in gruelling Soviet-styled cub scout camps.
Odd then that Henman - dreary, apologetic, middle-class, middling and muddling Henman - first came to the public eye at Wimbledon when he was banned from the tournament.
Note that one down for your next pub quiz night.
The weak-jawed one earned this distinction in 1995 for blasting a ball at a volunteer ball girl, following a botched play. The poor lass narrowly survived decapitation and Henman gave her a bunch of flowers for the hassle. So deep down he is a nice guy after all.
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5: Marat Safin
Russian seeks new racket deal
Technically it's not one tantrum.
But the 48 rackets Marat Safin smashed in the 1999 season are thought to be a record.
In 2005, he estimated his career total of rackets destructed had passed the 300 mark.
When not arguing with chair umpires, Saffin likes to swear at himself for lost points ... in Russian, Spanish and English. Can be filed alongside Youzhny, under "Russians Not To Inflame".
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6: Goran Ivanisevic
Croat too seeks new racket deal
Playing at an ATP tournament in Brighton in 2000, Goran Ivanisevic worked his way through his full supply of rackets, smashing the lot in outrage at his misfortune, the umpiring calls and life in general.
As his final racket disintegrated into an expensive pile of titanium dust, the Croatian said: "I have nothing left to play with" and wandered off the court.
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7: Martina Hingis and Serena Williams
Cats off-court
Some tantrums take place off-court and are subtler than others. When Martina Hingis suggested that the Williams' dad Richard was a big mouth, Serena responded: "She's always the kind of person who says things and speaks her mind and I guess that has a little bit to do with not having a formal education."
Miaow.
Hingis purred back: "I don't think I'm that dumb - I'd like to see some other people talking in three languages."
How do you say "miaow" in French and German?
>>Martina Hingis and Serena Williams' war of words
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8: Robert Seguso
Big umpire bites back
Robert Seguso quickly pulled his tantrum back after a stern rebuke from the biggest umpire of all.
Playing in a 1991 Davis Cup doubles match, he dollied an easy mid-court shot into the net.
Unimpressed with the fates, the American doubles specialist bellowed at the sky: "God!" And the Big Man replied.
A menacing roll of thunder instantly echoed across the heavens as Seguso looked up, aghast.
That's one umpiring decision you might not want to appeal against.
>>The man upstairs rebukes Robert Seguso
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9: Greg Rusedski
Me old China plate!
The British were reluctant to take expat Canadian Greg Rusedski to heart despite his switch of citizenship. That changed at Wimbledon 2003 after a spectator called "out" during a rally against Andy Roddick, who won the point.
The umpire refused to replay the point, so Greg swore like a Cockney van driver: "It's absolutely f****** ridiculous. It's f***ing ridiculous. Some w***** in the crowd changed the whole match and you allowed it to happen. Well done. Absolute s***."
(Tip for would-be Englishmen: Note the use of the term "w***er. A nice touch.)
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10: The Tarango farrago
Jeff Tarango probably thought he was the worst-behaved tennis brat in his family as he stomped off court in the middle of a game at Wimbledon in 1995, forfeiting the match in a huff over a disputed call. For good measure, he called umpire Bruno Rebeuh "one of the most corrupt officials in the game" on his way to the changing room. But Jeff's missus, Benedicte, claimed top spot moments later. Leaping to hubby's defence, she slapped Rebeuh on his way from the court. A lovely couple.