Tennis: Neighbours at Laver's

The last time we were at Rod Laver Arena, Kim Clijsters and Lleyton Hewitt were as solid as Ayres Rock, now known as Uluru.

But according to Aborigine folklore and Rolf Harris, boomerangs don't always come back and sure enough "Aussie Kim" won't be in Melbourne this year.

Why? A multitude of two reasons: 1) She has a wrist injury; 2) Lleyton.

She hasn't said if reasons one and two are related but I think we can read between the tramlines on this one - facing Lleyton so soon after breaking up is hard to do.

For a start, Lleyton has moved on and buffed up. He is practising topless and new girlfriend, Home and Away actress Bec Cartwright, is courtside.

Last year's Australian Open was dominated by Kim and Lleyton, the newly engaged royal coupleof tennis.

Kim wrote in her online diary at the time: "Lleyton has surprised me! He took me out for dinner on a boat and suddenly came up with a ring and earrings! I did not know what was happening to me. But I am very happy about it. In Australia, being engaged means a lot, so the family here are over the moon. Of course, in my place they are too."

Even though she didn't use an exclamation mark after "very happy about it", the Melbourne public warmed to the koala-like Kim - more so than Lleyton who didn't behave like a warm marsupial at all.

Aussie Kim, as the media called her, made the final against fellow Belgian Justine Henin-Hardenne who hit the ball hard and it was often "just ine". Kim cracked under pressure but Lleyton dried her tears with Kleenex.

In April the couple played each other at the Belgacom Tennis Masters, Lleyton winning 9-8 (7-5) in a tie-breaker in what the Belgians described as an "exhibition love game tennis match".

Things were going swimmingly, but before long Lleyton's lucrative toilet-paper deal went to his head. Kim just couldn't compete and the couple unravelled like a spinning bog roll. By October it was over.

That same month Australian Mark "The Scud" Philippoussis dealt poor Delta Goodrem a backhand drop shot, reportedly leaving the singer-songwriter and Neighbours star for Paris Hilton. I say reportedly because it was Paris who reported it, claiming she was the other woman in a report by Melbourne Herald-Sun journalist Nui Te Koha (or "Big Gift").

Others claimed there was another other woman, Russian Anna Kournikova. Then another woman emerged, American Pie actress Tara Reid.

But again according to Aborigine folklore and Rolf Harris, it's not easy tying a kangaroo down.

The Scud bounded Skippy-like into another relationship and his new girlfriend is so young, her mother chaperoned her at last week's Hopman Cup in Perth. American model Alexis Barbara turns 18 this month and it remains to be seen if the Australian press will dub her Ali Baba.

Meanwhile, Delta has found a new boyfriend, former Westlife singer Brian McFadden, but she continues to sing the song she wrote for Mark, Out of the Blue. She can say that again.

Kim has been ensconsed in Belgium and plans a comeback in Paris, the city, next month.

On Thursday, Mark pulled out of the Australian Open with a groin (hello!) injury. He hasn't won a match since Wimbledon.

One tennis couple that have stuck together since last year's Australian Open are American-Iranian Andre Agassi and the very German Steffi Graf. Andre, 34, continues as the ancient wonder of the circuit while wife Steffi looks after their two young children, son Jaden and daughter Jaz, who already know a backhand like the back of their hand.

But at Lassiter's Bar and Brasserie, Lleyton's impressive new physique is the biggest talking point since Harold fell in the lake.

It's up to Lleyton to fly the Australian flag in the centenary event. There hasn't been a local winner at the Australian Open for 29 years. Lleyton underlined his determination to win on the slow and bouncy Melbourne hardcourts by saying: "I'd play on cow dung if necessary."

Tune in tomorrow to see if his novel training methods with animal poo pay off.

- HERALD ON SUNDAY