Auckland NPC Rugby coach Pat Lam. Photo / Ross Setford
Take a minute from your busy day, dip into YouTube and look at Rory Fallon's Scottish Cup wonder goal for Aberdeen. Go on.
Seen it? Good. Not bad, eh? And if you thought the big fella was operating on divine inspiration for that sweet volley, have a perusal at his policy on switching clubs. You see when Fallon makes a career move, it's because God has told him to.
"One club has come in for me, but I don't feel the Lord wants me to go," he told the Guardian when at Plymouth. "I will wait on what the Lord says. I don't feel I have got a clear message to leave yet, so I'm staying. I'm instructed by the Lord, and I keep telling people this. They probably think I'm mad, but I know full well that when Paul Sturrock came in and wanted me to go to Southend I had a dream and the Lord told me to stay at Plymouth. I have had no instructions since so I stay at Plymouth."
The newspaper archly suggested that Fallon did not realise the Plymouth Argyle chairman, Roy Gardner, is only a "Sir" and not a "Lord".
Weekend at Bernie's I
When it comes to moral guidance, we can think of no finer tutor than Formula One gaffer Bernie Ecclestone.
So, Bernie, will there be future F1s in Bahrain after one person died amid protests against the regime in the buildup to last week's race?
"Absolutely. Forever. No problem," says motorsports' Andy Warhol doppelganger. "I think it's good because people talk about things, you know. You know what they say - there is no such thing as bad publicity."
And he would know.
Weekend at Bernie's II
Still in Middle East human rights news, the Bahrain national soccer coach, Peter Taylor, is standing up for what's really important: the right of an Englishman to bury his head in the sand.
"I apologise to anybody if I'm missing the point, but for me sport should rise above it. That's the beauty of sport: it brings people together."
So Peter, the pesky press asked, what about the fact Bahrain arrested and tortured 150 sports people last year, including three of your players? "Don't go there. You're getting boring."
We won't, then.
Pound of flesh I
Defamation is a tricky business, particularly in the rarefied air of Romanian club soccer - but Gigi Becali has the answer. The Steaua Bucharest owner has been sued by referee Cristian Balaj, who was miffed at being called "a thief who must be jailed".
"Serious?" asked Becali. "He wants €500,000 ($810,000) damages? I'll give him 500 blows over the head with a stick, right in front of the judges."
That will be all, your honour.
Pound of flesh II
Beleaguered Blues coach Pat Lam (the "beleaguered" has officially been added into his job title) went in to bat for his large-boned halfback Piri Weepu.
"He has made massive gains," Lam told the press pack this week. "Ah ... or losses if you prefer," he said to growing laughter. "He is fine. He has cracked the 100s and is into the 90s now and skinfolds have come down a bit."
Hmm, thanks Pat, until then we'd never formed a mental image of Piri Weepu's "skinfolds".
Mamma mia!
And so we turn - slack-jawed in wonder - to the calming world of Italian club soccer.
At Genoa's Stadio Luigi Ferraris on Sunday, fans were treated to what Gazzetta dello Sport called "a chilling spectacle - right out of the dark ages".
Well, not all fans were treated to the spectacle - 100 of them were busily taking part, invading the players' area, halting the match, with their side losing 4-0 to Siena, and forcing the home side to take off their shirts for being "unworthy".
Only one player refused. Giuseppe Sculli - the grandson of Giuseppe Morabito, an alleged mafia don, and freshly returned from a ban for match fixing - told the Ultras "I'm not taking it off. It's mine."
The 100 Ultras backed down.
Final score 4-1. And the Genoa coach was sacked - for the second time this season.
You don't get that kind of entertainment at a Phoenix match.