Super Shorts: Under the pump

Russell Coutts. Photo / Oracle

It's been a while since we've featured intrepid telly reporter Craig Stanaway on these pages, but his performance on Wednesday deserves a closer look.

First there was a very Wall St defence of Sir Russell Coutts: "Correct me if I'm wrong, Russell Coutts played quite a role in lining a lot of people's pockets in New Zealand [ominous pause], remember that."

Actually, Craig, Russell did nothing to line Supershorts' pockets, but he certainly played quite a role in lining his own pockets... remember that.

But Coutts is perfectly entitled to use the skills he has honed to make a living any old way he pleases.

What really set Stanaway's report apart was the most awkward, teeth-gnashing fist-pump in TV history. Well, since Wendy Petrie's effort.

En-chantingClever Spanish chanting ... From the Daily Mail comes this fascinating tale of vale and Bale. When Gareth Bale, Real Madrid's world-record signing, overhit a cross into the stands at Villarreal in his first outing, the local crowd gleefully chanted "tu si que vale", which translates as "Yes, you are worth it". Clever enough, but nothing to write home about, until the Mail explained why it was noteworthy.

"In correct Spanish, the chant would be 'Tu si que vales', which literally means, 'You, yes you are worth it'. But the fans used the third person 'vale' instead of the second person 'vales' because then it rhymes and makes a pun of the pronunciation of his name, Bale. "Grammatical nuance and wordplay in a terrace chant. This is Spanish football, you see. Even their abuse is technically sophisticated."

Olympic deja vuThe IOC hates Kohei Jinno ... Deadspin.com reports that when Tokyo was awarded the 1964 Olympic Games, 30-year-old Jinno found his home and business were on the site of what was to be the Olympic park. He had to resettle in another town for two years, until the Government gave him a replacement home, on the edge of the Olympic Stadium.

Now the Games are coming back in 2020, and the new Olympic Stadium is going to go right where the old one is - only it's going to be a lot bigger. Jinno's home and tobacco shop will again have to go.

"I don't want to see the Olympics at all," he said. "Deep inside, I have a kind of grudge against the Olympics."

The Government has offered to resettle him, but Jinno is 79 and he doesn't want to go anywhere else. "Probably I may go where you cannot set up a tobacco shop," he said. "That means I will lose my reason for living."

Rubbed outA sports tribunal removed a Brazilian club from the fourth-division playoffs this week because its masseur stepped on to the field and made two saves.

The tribunal also suspended masseur Romildo da Silva for 24 matches and fined him about $250 for his actions to help club Aparecidense.

With the match against Tupi level at 2-2, Silva lurked behind the net and entered the field when a Tupi player cleared the goalkeeper and appeared to have an open shot on goal. He blocked two consecutive shots, allowing his team to advance to the competition's quarter-finals.

Enraged Tupi players chased Silva from the field and police grabbed him for his own protection, the Associated Press reported.

Demise exaggerated This from the NRL communications department. "PLEASE NOTE: A Media Alert issued earlier today incorrectly listed Michael Crocker as one of 21 NRL players retiring this year. Apologies for any inconvenience this error may have caused." Oops.