Kids need to be taught the joy of winning and the pain of losing.
That's the message from World Cup-winning coach Steve Hansen in a wide-ranging interview with the Herald.
The All Blacks coach believes coaching took a wrong turn when emphasis was changed from winning to participating.
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Steve Hansen on the art of coaching
He believes his hatred of losing is his greatest strength and greatest weakness as a coach, and as he has grown to accept losing as an inevitable byproduct of competitive sport, he has become better at his job.
"The fact I hate it so much, I've got to learn to control it. There's no point having a hissy-fit just because you've lost, but it doesn't mean you just accept it," Hansen said.
"There are so many things you can learn when you lose if you're open to it.
"At the same time you've got to have that huge love of winning that can motivate you to make sure you don't lose too often but you can't allow that to overshadow the process of how you win.
"That's the most important thing in sport."
Hansen believed that it was unnatural to minimise the importance of competition when coaching kids.
"Where we got it wrong a number of years ago was when we said winning was not important.
"You ask any kid from the age of 10. Whether it's rugby or two kids playing marbles, they want to win, that's a natural instinct," Hansen said.
"We should be focusing on the things that allow you to win.
"Teaching the skills you need to win marbles under pressure is more important than worrying about whether you're going to lose your favourite marble or not."
The skills learned in trying to win, most particularly the ability to handle pressure, could then be applied to other areas of life.
"For example, I'm under pressure to pass my exams but I'm only under pressure because I haven't prepared properly.
"If I prepare properly I won't be under as much pressure."
Earlier this year Howick Pakuranga Principals' Association introduced a fair play charter to East Auckland primary schools to encourage students, coaches and parents to play nice.
Among its clauses is one allowing coaches to intervene when the points differential is 40 in rugby, 15 goals in netball and seven in soccer.
The charter states: "Sport is about doing your best but in primary and intermediate school competitions, a successful game is when everyone does their best and enjoys the game."
In 2012, Auckland soccer organisers were accused of "living in cloud cuckoo land" after allowing children's teams to share championship titles.
In 2011 the Rugby Union introduced rules to prevent children's teams winning by more than 35 points.
In the interview, Hansen tackles subjects such as dealing with the "idiosyncrasies" of a multicultural team, his evolving relationship with the media and the dangers of over-coaching teams such as the All Blacks.