Steve Braunias: The secret diary of Ian Foster, All Blacks coach

All Blacks coach Ian Foster looking over a training session at Beetham Park in Hamilton. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION

MONDAY

Well you know obviously the boys are hurting. The boys are hurting, and when the boys are hurting, that sort of adds up to a lot of hurt. A lot of hurt, I think it's fair to say, is what the boys are feeling. I said to them, "Boys," I said, "you're in a world of pain. You're in a very, very dark place, and there doesn't seem like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like there's no tomorrow. It feels like there's no point in getting up in the morning. One or two of you may be thinking, 'What's the point of existence?' And others may be experiencing a sort of totally full-on existential crisis."

I said those exact words to them in my pre-match pep talk before the Argentina game so imagine how they're feeling now.

TUESDAY

Jacinda Ardern called and said that if I wanted to change the starting XV for the next test on Saturday that she would back me up, adding that I should never be afraid to do a U-turn, that she did it all the time and that it always worked wonders with the public.
I thanked her for the advice but told her that listening to the public was a sign of weakness, and losing on my own terms was a sign of strength.

WEDNESDAY

Okay, so I guess the message is we have been pretty ruthless and hard on ourselves behind the scenes. Ruthless, and hard on ourselves, and very, very critical. I said to the boys, "Boys," I said, "you're actually pretty useless, some of you, aren't you? I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror. Dear oh dear. What a shower. Just not good enough, really. At the end of the day, nowhere near good enough. The blame lies fairly and squarely at your feet."

One of the boys had a go at me but I don't stand for criticism. It's out of line.

THURSDAY

Christopher Luxon called and said he wouldn't rule out working with me in a National-led government.

I thanked him for his call but told him that my job was a lot safer than his.

FRIDAY

For those who want blood, I guess we haven't given it, have we? But if you play under fear, you restrict your options, you restrict your thinking. And what actually happens is that you just don't get the game going, the way you want to do it.

But we actually believe in some things that we're working on now.

It's hard work when the team is not sort of at 100 per cent every week. But I have been there when it is, and I know how much experience you need to get to that point and how much hard work and how sort of settled the team needs to be.

And we think the best way to build the confidence in those key pressure moments is to put the guys out there that have just been through it, have felt it. And now we've talked about some different solutions. So we're backing that by fielding the same starting XV as last Saturday.

Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. But Einstein didn't play rugby and if there's one thing the public has come to know about me in my reign as All Blacks coach, I'm no Einstein.