Apparently, a bloke called Burger has caught 35kg of whitebait, most likely out of the Buller River, which is good news for Burger and bad news for the local galaxiid population.
Burger, or Glen Duncan as he's occasionally known, will be playing a final this weekend, so it's probably a good thing he's already been baiting. Because if Buller wins their first Meads Cup title this weekend, two years after winning their first Lochore Cup title, which was also their first-ever title, Burger may not get baiting for at least another weekend, such will be the celebrations across New Zealand's smallest rugby province, where a progressive dinner could take in every household and you could still miss out on dessert.
You can't say they don't deserve it, this motley crew of truckies, fisherman, farmers, miners and the odd import from old 'Omata, short for Wainuiomata, just over the stairway to heaven, up from Petone. No coal in Wainuiomata, but it's a goldmine for rugby talent. They've gone undefeated this season, have the boys from Buller, the only side with a clean sheet.
They play the Mighty Men of Mid, MC, the Hammers, Mid-Canterbury in the final on Saturday. Ashburton could do with some good news. Mind you, someone tried to tell the defending champions that they needed to fly to Westport on the day of the game, but that would mean a 5am start for some of them. The coach wasn't too pleased about that, by all accounts.
Someone else not too pleased about things in general is Buller's loosehead prop Logan Mundy. Fazza, as he is known, a maintenance fitter at Solid Energy, still hasn't scored a try despite putting on the red-and-blue hoops 86 times. He's only got 13 games up his sleeve before he passes old Huck Nelson's record of 97 games without scoring. Nelson got his first try in his 98th match for Buller, against North Otago in Oamaru seven years ago. He's still celebrating.
Mundy will have added incentive to get off the donut this weekend as no doubt the $50 bill will be hidden under the goal posts too, just like it was in 2012 and 2013 when Buller old boy Brad McKenzie sent the Apirana by airmail with a handwritten note instructing the first try scorer that the cash was to go on the bar, but "only for Purple Goanas". Rumour has it the team is expecting two notes this year, giving Mundy a better chance at the pot.
There'll be no shortage of competition for the cash, nor in the second row, where young Glen Angus and veteran Craig Moore will pack down together. Angus is an apprentice builder and Moore is a Master Builder. Legend has it that the two locks locked horns in a competition to put up the marquees last week. Moore won easily, which has not gone down too well with the young fella. It is not yet known whether Moore will offer him fulltime employment after the weekend.
Angus will get over it, of course, and if he sticks around long enough he may even have a chance to emulate the deeds of Luke "Herb" Brownlee who will take the field for Buller for the 168th time this weekend. He hasn't missed a game in 14 seasons. While on the subject of longevity, on the bench is 40-year-old Phil "Dozer" Beveridge who will bring to a close his 22nd season. He's earning cap number 145. Considering he blows things up for a living, this is less a milestone than a miracle.
There are more, of course. Born and bred or booked and paid for, and they'll roll on out at Victoria Square (capacity 5000) for one last match this season, as the Buller fills with bait and two coaches called "Bart" and "Bug" tell "Boy" to do the business.
3 things about the finals
A slice of history
It wouldn't be a decent provincial finals weekend without a bit of history to be made and while Buller will be looking for a first Meads Cup title, in the Premiership, both Tasman and Taranaki have a chance to win a first top division title. Meanwhile, Manawatu are hunting a first title in 34 years when they contest the Championship final, and North Otago have extended their New Zealand provincial record of consecutive play-off seasons to a staggering 16.
Net return for Nehe
Of all the players in the Championship perhaps none has enjoyed better form than Manawatu fullback Nehe Milner-Skudder. For so long surplus to Super Rugby requirements, Milner-Skudder has been rewarded for ITM Cup form with a full Hurricanes contract and a call-up to the Maori All Blacks side to tour Japan.
Massive milestone
Manawatu hooker Rob Foreman will line up in his 100th match for the province this weekend. Historian Paul Neazor says he is just the 10th Turbo to do so, joining Gary Knight, Ken Granger, Geoff Old, Murray Rosenbrook, Mark Donaldson, Bruce Hemara, Kevin Eveleigh, Perry Harris and Don McCaskie. Making the feat even more impressive is this: Foreman has missed just one match since his debut for Manawatu in 2006.