Wynne Gray: Three P's make for a hearty breakfast

The gags started early. There was little let-up for the next few hours as rival unions Auckland and North Harbour took time out yesterday for the annual Battle of the Bridge breakfast.

"We can't get beaten at breakfast can we?" an Auckland supporter chirped.

Downstairs in the Sky City foyer, the Harbour squad waited for a few stragglers. One of them, midfielder Anthony Tuitavake, provided the first mirth for his mates.

A bloke who normally wears his locks in braids or cornrows, Tuitavake appeared with straight hair and accompanying amounts of self-conscious embarrassment.

In the old days there would have been worries about a patchy player attendance list but dawn gym sessions have attuned the players to early shift work.

It was Auckland's turn to host the annual function yesterday and that dovetailed in neatly with their hotel sponsors.

For some there was a wariness about being in the same room as their NPC opponents just two days out from a game, especially as neither side is travelling well on the points table.

But there was a fair amount of mingling between players, coaches and officials as a crowd of about 320 turned up to hear Willie Lose compere the event which began in 1991.

A one-time looseforward for both unions, Lose is mates with Auckland coaches Pat Lam, Shane Howarth and Frank Bunce and Harbour's Allan Pollock.

These days Lose makes his living in another game, the ratings he gathers as a radio talkback host. After Auckland's feeble effort against Waikato last Saturday, Lose savaged Lam and his young team.

That was not part of any psychological warfare for tomorrow's match, Lose assured yesterday's breakfast crowd, although a check of the match programme showed Lose had picked Auckland to win the derby.

Ten years on from the most infamous meeting between the two unions, radio commentary of that acrimonious NPC final at Onewa Domain was replayed over the sound system.

Clad in a sharp black suit, gold tie and a (neutral) blue shirt, Lose revealed the three P's format for the morning, speeches from Polly, Pat and Paddy aka Pollock, Lam and senior referee Paddy O'Brien.

Pollock was glad his team's schedule included training yesterday so they could work off any excess food intake while Auckland had the day off before their captain's run at Eden Park today.

He had several light-hearted cracks at his opposing coaches and encouraged the players to enjoy the moment because life as a professional rugby player was a very truncated career.

Lam recalled, with some relish, attending the original Bridge Breakfast where he had the fortune to sit with several generous guests. He had been able to arrange his first home loan during the meal and had also been given a watch.

He did not want to lie and wish Harbour all the best for this weekend, nor did he like making predictions other than to say he promised Auckland would be better.

That left the stage for O'Brien, the nation's senior referee.

After listening for the first time to an O'Brien speech, it would be fair to say that if he gives up his day (or as it has increasingly become a night) job, he would have a lucrative time on the speaking circuit.

He lampooned himself, had a nice line in humour but also took time out to defend referees' role in rugby and their involvement in the national game.

O'Brien is contracted until the end of next year but said he would continue as long as he enjoyed the job. His formula in recent seasons had been to act on commonsense and not worry about being judged by any panel of assessors in the grandstand.

But he had the benefit of experience and been leant on by such cagey players as Sean Fitzpatrick and Zinzan Brooke.

Like the time he met Fitzpatrick for the first time in 1993 when Auckland defended the Ranfurly Shield against Horowhenua on the road at Levin.

After the Sean and Paddy pre-match introductions, O'Brien felt comfortable and even more so during the early stages of the game when Fitzpatrick instructed him about Horowhenua's illegalities.

O'Brien obliged with a succession of penalties to Auckland and it was only after the game when Fitzpatrick offered him further advice about not listening to the players that the referee learned lesson one.

After officiating in a swag of internationals and four Battles of the Bridge, O'Brien was up with most of the top-level shenanigans. As breakfast entertainment he was up there as well.