The World's Cup: NZ asked to risk it all

An Australian rugby writer thinks NZ should put the Webb Ellis Cup and the Bledisloe Cup on the line this weekend. Photo / Brett Phibbs

Steve Deane scours global media for an offbeat look at rugby's biggest show.

DOUBLE JEOPARDY

The victor of Sunday's World Cup final will walk away with the shiny gold William Webb Ellis Cup, but that isn't quite enough for some Aussies. The Australian rugby writer Wayne Smith reckons New Zealand should be good enough sports to also put the Bledisloe Cup on the line. "Strange to say, but Australia has been without the Bledisloe Cup for longer than it has the William Webb Ellis Cup," Smith points out. "New Zealanders are claiming the current All Blacks side is not just the best in the world but the greatest team in rugby history. So where's the risk?" I'm gonna stop you there, trolly boy. It's actually Springboks coach Heyneke Meyer who reckons the ABs are the G.O.A.T., not "New Zealanders". We've given your hopeless mob a fair shot at the Bled every year since 2004 - and what have you done with it? Fair enough you want yet another crack - particularly with this season series tied 1-1 - but if we're gonna talk fairness, you're asking us to take all the risk here. We put up our magnificent cup (you will have forgotten what it looks like by now but trust us it's cool) out of the goodness of our hearts - but what are you lot putting on the line? We took your pride decades ago, so you what do you have to offer?

SHEEP STATION?

Just what could Australia put on the line in a high stakes rugby wager that we'd actually want. Quade Cooper? Er, no thanks. The Gold Coast? Already ours. A pledge to forsake all claims to the pavlova? Tempting. If pushed this column would opt for a good old fashioned Aussie sheep station. After years of being told "calm down mate we ain't playing for a sheep station", it would tremendous for Kiwi hotheads if just for once we actually were. Obviously we'd convert the Aussie sheep station to dairy and then flog it off to China first chance we get, but it's the thought that counts.

PSYCHO BABBLE

Their squeaky bum victory over the Boks has set the ABs up perfectly for the final, opines Britain's Guardian. The paper's bloggers are all about mental space and reverse psychology. Specifically, they adhere to the school of thought that winning too easily sets you up for future failure, while winning by the equivalent of the gap between Maradona's butt cheeks is a recipe for future excellence. The All Blacks have "inadvertently set themselves up to be at the peak of their powers psychologically for [Sunday's] final", reckons the Guardian.

"If we go back and look at previous tournaments, before they lift the cup, the champions go through a game that goes to the wire; a tussle that was always going to be challenging but which they were expected to win.

"There was the quarter-final between England and Wales in 2003 where England were behind for the majority of the game, outscored by three tries to one. South Africa had to rouse themselves against Tonga in the pool stage four years later and the All Blacks won the 2011 final 8-7 against France."

Conversely, teams that run up cricket scores in the pool matches tend to crap out horribly. Sweet.

PICTURE PERFECT

Trust the Daily Mail to break down the Australian victory over Argentina perfectly for its audience. "Diego Maradona left disappointed after Argentina crash out of Rugby World Cup" screams a Mail headline. "Diego Maradona was sent through an emotional rollercoaster on Sunday as he watched Argentina fall to a 29-15 defeat by Australia in the Rugby World Cup semi-final. The former footballer, 54, has watched his country's progress throughout the tournament and provided a colourful presence in the crowd; but even his eccentric performances weren't enough to stop the South American's from bowing out in the last four."

Strange indeed that a fat bloke jumping up and down excitedly in the stands wasn't enough to sway the outcome of a rugby match. Pretty sure John Key would have slapped a jersey on Kim Dotcom and called off the extradition proceedings years ago if it was. Turns out the Mail didn't actually speak to Maradona, instead basing its story on a series of photos that were either the great man or a blue and white beachball that had somehow spouted a head.

NOT CRYING FOR ME

Turns out Argentina coach Daniel Hourcade probably just had something in his eye when he appeared to be bawling inconsolably following his team's loss. "I am not sure if I cried but it was emotional," Hourcade said after the match. Trust us mate, you cried. But even if he did it wasn't a reflection of his own sadness.

"I was hurting for the players, not myself. They gave everything they had and I am very proud of them. They never gave up, always looking to score a try. I feel a huge pain but it is not over for us. To finish third in the World Cup would mean a lot to us."