Rugby World Cup Shorts: Piri's mum, Richie-watch and out of Africa

All Black Piri Weepu. Photo / Brett Phibbs

Aw, shut up mum!

Piri Weepu's mum, Kura, coached her boy in the Wainuiomata League under-sevens. She tells the Guardian what he was like as a young player. "He was a prick to coach."

Never mind, Piri, I'm sure your mum will say something nice about your - er - well-padded physique. "He was our runt," she says. "Now he can't keep the pounds off."

Richie-Watch

Sighted: At the gym working out last night. No limp evident. So stop panicking.

For the chop

Justin Bieber - aka Aussie wunderkind James O'Connor - move over: that hairstyle is sooo yesterday. CupShorts' source in the murky world of men's hairdressing tells us all the future All Blacks want when they get to the hairdresser is an SBW. Formula for an SBW: a No 2 around the back and sides, with a thick 3cm thatch left on top, parted to the side. And so far the IRB doesn't own the rights so the tweens and teens can get it for $25.

Politics of the Cup

The All Blacks won the World Cup in 1987 and the incumbent Labour Government won the election. In 1999 the Shipley Government was turfed out not long after the All Blacks were dumped at the hands of France in the semifinal. This year polls are suggesting a win for the incumbent, so can the tail wag the dog?

Poor case for defence

A former league great and CupShorts confidant notes the vogue for having ex-leaguies as rugby defence coaches with a raised eyebrow. Wales have signed up Shaun Edwards (ex-Great Britain playmaker), England used Mike Ford (ex-Great Britain halfback) and the Irish had Les Kiss (ex-Kangaroos winger).

Our leaguie notes the thing they all had in common: "They were rubbish tacklers."

Ton teaser I

CupShorts' pedantic chum puts down his copy of a Lynne Truss book for long enough to ask a question.

"When did 'Centurion' become a word for someone who has done a hundred of anything? Yes it has Roman soldier connotations - they were officers who commanded 100 men, supposedly. But when did it start applying to players with 100 test caps? And isn't there a risk having our team led by a Centurion if, in the final, they have to face a bunch of Celts or Gauls? Just a thought."

Ton teaser II

Our pedant continues: "If you become a Centurion, will you never play for the Barbarians?"

News from the veld I

Over in South Africa, they're taking their quarter-final defeat to heart. Rugby scribe Rob Houwing suggests it's time they handed over the national team to a Kiwi coach.

"We live in a period where there's clearly something in the New Zealand water ensuring that that proud rugby union country is spouting coaches of rare calibre and, just as importantly, success rates," he writes. The names he suggests: John Mitchell, John Plumtree and Greatest-Winger-of-All-Time John Kirwan.

News from the veld II

Not wanting to indulge in hyperbole (because hyperbole is literally everywhere), but the scoreline in Sunday's quarter-final suggests that the match was in fact South Africa's 9-11.

News from the veld III

Departed Bokke captain John Smit is looking on the bright side.

"I suppose that one of the positives going forward is that I will never have to be reffed by Bryce Lawrence again."