Rugby World Cup Shorts: Double speak, suit frenzy, tweets, age and whinging

Adam Ashley-Cooper gets on the physio table in a photograph shared via Twitter by Quade Cooper. Photo / Supplied

Johnno-speak
An English journo yesterday asked Martin Johnson why a game between the Six Nations champions and Europe's next best side left 12,000 Eden Park seats unsold.

A nonplussed Johnson (who erroneously thought he was here to run a rugby team, not sell the tickets): "I've got no idea. I'm sure you'll have some comment about it."

After another inquiry from the hack: "I've got other things to think about."

Froggo-speak
No fear of irritating questions over at the French team's press call. "Today, ze team is not speaking English."

That's all right, we'll use the translator.

"Today, zere ez no translator."

Shaggo-speak
Meanwhile at the All Blacks press call. Steve Hansen: "I'm a pretty simple person."

No argument from us, Steve.

Mad to measure
A CupShorts source in the world of men's haberdashery tells us that an IRB wallah from the home unions threw an apoplectic fit of Bill Cavubati-proportions when he arrived in New Zealand and turned up at Working Style to collect his bespoke tailored suit (free, of course, thanks to some sanctioned sponsorship arrangement - presumably the Tuilagi brothers wouldn't be fined if they played in WS kit). This bloke had supplied his precise
measurements, but by pick-up time his girth had expanded a tad. His rage was, we're told, something to behold.

Tweeting twits I
Quade Cooper uses Twitter to share a photo (above) of Adam Ashley-Cooper getting a rub-down from the physio. "Now this is an interesting physio position," chuckles Cooper, who clearly hasn't learned from his girlfriend Stephanie Rice's dabbling in homosexual-referencing tweets. "Think I might give physio a miss now."

Tweeting twits II
Over in the Springbok squad, homosexual referencing hasn't been considered funny since the great days of Kamp Staalgraad. The tweets of heavily muscled Pierre Spies make for more family-friendly reading: "Use the time you have well. Tell your family you love them. Say sorry when you need to. Make most of your opportunities - you never know when it's your last!"

Cheer up, mate. You lot could still make the semis ...

Age before beauty
The Wellington quarter-finals throw up an intriguing prospect of age v youth. Ireland have the oldest team at the tournament and the Springboks' average age is 72. On the other side, the Welsh still believe in Santa and the Wallaby squad travels with a full set of Wiggles DVDs and a bouncy castle.

So the weekend's matches will be a test of the Eddie Jones theory that experienced, older teams prevail in World Cups, the first examination of which came at Eden Park when Irish experience trumped Australia's fickle youth. Round two: Ding-ding!

Manning up
The Daily Mail's respected sports columnist Martin Samuel reckons New Zealand needs to 'man up' over the loss of Daniel Carter. This from an Englishman, a nation renowned for keeping all sense of perspective when Wayne Rooney manages to stub his toe or get himself a red card for booting a Portuguese bloke in the nuts.

Samuel took greatest exception to the words of Gary McGregor, the captain of Southbridge Rugby - Carter's club - who said "it has hit us like another earthquake".

Samuel's response: "Whoa, hold it right there. Back up a moment, will you? It's hit you like what? An earthquake? It's a groin injury pal. Athletes get them.

"Nobody died here; lives were destroyed metaphorically not literally. This wasn't Christchurch, February 22, 2010 [sic]: 181 dead and a city in ruins."

Not wishing to buck against the accepted fact that it is an Englishman's right to tell anyone else in the world how to feel about anything at all, it's perhaps worth pointing out that as Mr McGregor HAS LIVED THROUGH THE EARTHQUAKES and Mr Samuels HAS NOT, maybe it's Mr McGregor's business if he wants to make slightly awkward analogies about them.