With 86 days until the Rugby World Cup kicks off in France and Kiwis booking winter holidays in Oz, anxious All Blacks fan Tim Brightwell finds reasons to be extremely worried about Australia heading into the tournament.
1. Overseas experience
Observation: The Wallabies are pretty handy at Rugby WorldCups in Europe. They’ve won two (1991 and 1999) over there, ahead of the All Blacks (2015) and Springboks (2007) on one apiece.
Worry-O-Meter: “It’s not really the ‘final call’ until you hear your name being called out on the PA system.” 2/10
Observation: Remember when four Kiwi Super Rugby teams finished in the top five of the pool play and it was an assumption that they would all waltz into the semifinals? The Chiefs got pushed towards another choke-job against the Reds who are buying the domain as the next best rival. The Warratahs forced a Blues team to turn up in a walkover game when they were looking at the cheapest flights to Christchurch. Brumbies v Hurricanes happened. What does this mean? Don’t believe the W-L column of your preferred Super Rugby franchise.
Worry-O-Meter: Your name is called out on the PA system. 4/10
3. Brumbies are a rugby dynasty
Len Ikitau crosses for the Brumbies against the Hurricanes. Photo / Getty
Observation: Kiwis talk about Crusaders rugby and the role it’s played as the backbone of All Blacks squads for the past 30 years. Across the Tasman, the Brumbies do the same job.
They’re the Australian team every Kiwi side wants to avoid, especially when playing over there. The Brumbies operate with a ruthless ambition Kiwi fans would recognise: Finals or bust. Their home crowd for the quarter-final against an All Blacks laden Hurricanes on Saturday night was 8875 punters – just over half of the “packed” Reds v Chiefs crowd in Hamilton. It’s the “we’re not paying for a quarter-final game” attitude that we’ve seen from fans in Chirstchurch over the years. Sure, it’s ACT and no one actually lives there, but they have this nasty habit of winning when they turn up.
Ponder for a moment, the names that might appear in a Brumbies all-time XV backline: Gregan, Larkham, Giteau, Mortlock, Roff, Speight, Walker. This machine continues to feed the Wallabies today.
Worry-O-Meter: Arrive for your dental appointment, and notice the dentist is perusing a brochure for expensive holidays. 5/10
4. The Giteau Law
Observation: New Zealand Rugby holds the opportunity to wear the black jersey in highest regard. It’s the greatest honour. Richie wore the jersey. Buck wore the jersey.
The Australians are more pragmatic – if you’re good enough, you’ll always have a claim to a Wallabies jersey. It’s an acceptance that the best players might not be at home, but they still want to come home. Pick on talent, not on a financial allegiance.
Worry-O-Meter: It’s 2am, and this is your third and final attempt to remember your PIN number before cash machine holds your card. 7/10
5. Eddie Jones
Observation: If anyone knows how to win a game that matters, it’s Eddie Jones. He’s the guy that primed the Wallabies for the snatch-and-dash in the 2003 semifinal against the All Blacks, and he’s also the bloke who pumped up England for the rip-tear-and-thunder semifinal victory over the All Blacks in 2019.
Jones was played by Temuera Morrison in The Brighton Miracle, the amazing movie about Jones’ Japan side tipping over the Boks in 2015. Never bet against Temuera Morrison.
Worry-O-Meter: There’s a knock on the door, it’s Tem Morrison. He wants a word. 8/10
