Rugby - It's a game for fat lads and girls

By ALAN PERROTT

Newspapers and websites around the world are battling to explain the subtleties of rugby to those watching the sport for the first time.

Canadian website canada.com recommends those struggling with the rules to listen to the referee, even if it is a little vague on what rulings may be forthcoming.

"There will be plenty to listen to during the play as the referee warns players to get back onside or to stop doing what they are doing ... "

After neatly sidestepping any explanations of the rules, the guide details the match highlights which it lists as: a) the scrum, b) flying boots, c) the grubber kick and d) tough tackling.

Purists may cringe at the references to the first five eighths being a quarterback, but if it helps attract new fans to the game, why not?

Players Canadians are recommended to watch for are their own veteran loosie Al Charron, All Blacks Jerry Collins, Keven Mealamu, Joe Rokocoko and Carlos Spencer, Englishmen Martin Johnson and Jonny Wilkinson, Wallabies Wendell Sailor and George Smith, and Ireland's Brian 'Waltzin' O'Driscoll.

Melbourne's Age newspaper has produced its own "bluffer's guide to rugby" for its Aussie Rules-obsessed readers, in which forwards are described as fat lads or piggies and backs are dismissed as girls.

But the guide does provide a nifty breakdown of the offside rule: "Simplified, you must be behind to go forward ... a player must be behind his teammate to accept a pass ... he must start behind the kicker to chase a kick."

Australian website news24.com explains: "What they play in the Rugby World Cup is rugby union, which is a 15-a-side game containing amorphous huddles of large oblong men who step on each other.

"Rugby league, on the other hand, is a 13-a-side game in which large square men run full pelt into each other. As you can see, the differences are vital."

English newspaper the Independent took an alphabetical slant in its tournament guide. Of most interest to New Zealand readers was "J is for Johnson".

"The most influential of English captains, or a bad-tempered hot-head with the worst disciplinary record since Vlad the Impaler ... Martin Johnson is in the form of his life, and if certain people consider his aggressive style to be too much of a bad thing, Clive Woodward and the rest of the red rose hierarchy could not give a tinker's."

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