KEY POINTS:
The man who clapped Brian Ashton and Martin Corry into the auditorium that stages the post-match press conferences was clearly being sarcastic.
Those assembled are no doubt still trying to decide if the England coach was using the same sense of irony when he described England's performance as
wholly better than their win against the United States of America.
In an astonishing display of mock bravado, Ashton declined to give the pithy assessment of the game all coaches are allowed, instead choosing to go straight into questions. But what questions are left when confronted by a coach who believes there are positives to come from the defending world champions being humiliated 36-0 by South Africa other than... are you serious?
The tone was set from the beginning. Reporter: "Brian, you said after the America game that it wouldn't get any worse, it couldn't get any worse. That was worse. Can you explain that?"
Ashton: "I'm afraid I don't agree with you at all. I think you're miles off the mark. This was a much stronger side than the one we played last week.
"While we didn't play very well in the first half, I thought we showed some resilience in the second half and some individuals stepped up to the mark. I won't accept that this was a worse performance."
For the record, the score at halftime was 20-0, so the resilience and individuals stepping up to of the mark made a difference of four whole points. That's not even a try.
So it seemed that being held pointless and essentially humiliated by a team that didn't progress beyond the quarter-finals in 2003 was acceptable for the world champions.
"I think South Africa are one of the top two sides in world rugby today. I don't think there's any doubt about that," Ashton said.
"They were a better side on the day. You can't take that away."
Nobody was trying to, Brian.
Asked whether there was a concern in the camp about their inability to score tries (or any points for that matter), Ashton replied that they had created three opportunities but they were foiled through inaccuracy and, "in two out of the three cases, poor decision-making".
Which, frankly, is like a batsman saying he would have scored a century if he hadn't gone out.
Perhaps the most extraordinary exchange came when a reporter said that despite Ashton's belief that England were better this week, a lot of people didn't believe him.
"They're entitled to their opinion," he said, before adding that if the world champions, let's repeat that for effect, world champions, had played yesterday like they had against the Americans, South Africa would have put 80 points on them.
Corry, England's stand-in skipper in the enforced absence of Phil Vickery, at least had the decency to look a little shame-faced.
"The lads are a bit shell-shocked," he said. Which just about made it the most sensible thing said all conference.
