Counterattack

The Seven Dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.

However, when she went to deliver their lunches she found there had been a cave-in and there was no sign of the dwarfs.

Tearfully, she yelled in to the mine entrance: "Hello - is anyone there? Can anyone hear me?"

A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: "England will win the Rugby World Cup."

"Thank God!" said Snow White, "at least Dopey's still alive!"

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If you've tired of hearing Waltzing Matilda during the World Cup - and let's be honest, who hasn't? - then observe radio silence in Australia at 5pm on Saturday.

The Australian Rugby Union has persuaded radio stations across the nation to play Waltzing Matilda in unison three hours before kick-off in the final between Australia and England.

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Zinzan Brooke thinks New Zealand should stick with John Mitchell as All Black coach. Brooke, in Sydney with just about everyone who ever played the game, compared moves to oust Mitchell with US President George Bush's decision to bomb Afghanistan in pursuit of Osama bin Laden.

The former All Black said he was against moves to "just get in there and bomb it and rip it and ruin it. I think stick in there [with Mitchell] and see what happens".

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The England team's training session was delayed yesterday for nearly two hours at Telstra Stadium.

One of the players on his way back to the dressing room noticed a suspicious-looking white powdery substance at the end of the field.

Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the police were called to investigate. They determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when officials decided it was unlikely the team would encounter the substance again.

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Animal welfare campaigners are calling on Jonny Wilkinson to ditch the boots that have helped to kick England through to the final.

Activists are angry he is wearing adidas boots made using leather from kangaroos. Campaigners claim the leather adidas and others use encourages the slaughter of millions of wild kangaroos every year.

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