Chris Rattue: Rules for enjoying rugby

Scrum collapses are beautifully primeval. Cherish them. Photo / Getty Images

'Tis the off-season to be jolly. The national obsession has a wee rest before things get scary next year.

This World Cup journey will not click slowly through the gears. The game will start in fourth gear come February, and hit overdrive by about March.

Hang on to your hats, folks.

Anyway, rules are always the talking point in union, a sport that is only unified on one matter - being unhappy with the rules. So here are seven suggested rule changes to make the game better - and better still you don't need to leave home to try them.

REVEL IN SCRUM COLLAPSES
Think of them like a Wally Lewis commentary in league - they don't go anywhere yet the game would be strange without them. Rugby is for all shapes and sizes, and this might not be the case if the scrums were quick and tidy. Scrum collapses are beautifully primeval. Cherish them. Study the tactics. Start an internet forum. Hold scrum collapse club nights and invite the cheating Italian props over as guest speakers. In
other words, turn your attitude around past the 180.

BE RUTHLESS
You've set aside a couple of hours to watch a game but struck a really bad one. Give it the flick. This is a tough call for people like Otago supporters, who will end up watching very few games, but stick to the rule and you'll have plenty of energy left when you find a good one.Try rugby-free weekends.

You heard it. The more you watch, and there is a lot to watch, the more you pick the game apart and miss any broad-brush beauty. Mow the lawns instead. Or paint the roof. Walk the dog. Bake a tray of lamingtons. Set the mind and the spirit free. Treat rugby as a treat.

FAST FORWARD BY REWIND
Get old rugby tapes and see how bad the game used to be. You don't even need to bother granddad for his home-made movies of the 1956 Bok tour. Video of the 2007 World Cup will do.

CUT THE CLAPTRAP
Hit the off button as soon as you hear the final whistle. Post-match interviews with rugby players are an absolute killer.

GET RADIO ACTIVE
Radio commentary allows you to do real life and rugby at the same time. Radio commentators tend to be very upbeat - they take life less seriously because they have to on their wages. Most television commentators sound as if they are trying to enjoy the game. Radio commentators sound as if they actually are.

WORK HARDER ON SNACKS
Better snacks make better All Blacks.

AND JUST REMEMBER...
Anything that doesn't involve a vuvuzela is a good thing.