Chris Rattue: Canny Scottish tactic - get them rolling around laughing

Scotland have soared to the top of the pops when it comes to the strange-but-true file.

They appear to be starring in their own comedy Carry on Regardless after a bumbling display allowed the French to trample all over them in Sydney at the weekend.

Here's a pot-pourri involving the Scots and other oddities at the World Cup so far:

* Shortly after the Scots were hammered by the French they announced they would hold a coaching clinic with Sydney juniors at the Cronulla league ground on Tuesday.

It's hard to know if this training session can rescue the Scottish campaign, considering their final pool match against Fiji is on Saturday.

It would be nice to think the Sydney juniors will also get something out of the afternoon, but this column sincerely doubts that.

Still, it's great that locals are prepared to give up their time to help visitors like this.

* The Scots, showing no sign of embarrassment, have enthusiastically called a media conference to introduce their replacement prop Allan Jacobsen to the world. One really wonders what the poor lad can say.

* Further evidence that this Scottish team have a great sense of humour. As the camera rolled down the line before kickoff against the French, most Scottish players did facial twitches, in the manner of their suspended team-mate Martin Leslie, to show support for the New Zealand-born flanker.

It was just great to see how focussed the Scots were before the game - they were obviously hell-bent on winning.

Their captain, Bryan Redpath, boycotted this little stage show - he obviously felt the players should have other things on their mind at this point.

But Bryan also makes this strange-but-true list ...

* ... because this column just knew the Scots were doomed before kickoff when a pre-recorded interview with Redpath appeared on the giant screen at Telstra Stadium.

Responding to a series of quick-fire questions, Redpath picked England to win the cup, and their first five-eighths Jonny Wilkinson to be the player of the tournament.

This punter almost choked on the measly $4 sausage purchased outside the stadium gates - which would have been a cruel end.

Anyway Bryan, this is taking the World in Union business way too far. What next? Favourite coach - Clive Woodward; person you would most like to meet - the Queen; favourite holiday destination - Bognor Regis. This is very un-Scottish behaviour. Aren't England the auld enemy? The European Community has a lot to answer for.

* We mustn't forget the performance of Irish referee David McHugh from that match.

McHugh managed the neat little trick of talking to the French in French and, obviously, to the Scots in English.

He took this to extreme lengths - managing the French inflections when directing words like advantage towards the Tricolors.

Very impressive, Mr McHugh, although we must protest at your censorship - it ruined the fun of eavesdropping via the nifty "sports ears" the media have been supplied with.

When the Scottish lock Scott Murray emerged with some haste from a tangle of bodies and readied himself for a face-to-face debate with the ref, McHugh yelled at him: "Don't say what you said to me in front of the microphone." Refs have so much to think about these days.

* And on to a Welsh character called Kev Jones, who has emerged as a symbol of sporting passion. Kev sold his house and left his job making cardboard boxes so he could travel to Australia and support his beloved team.

"Where would you rather be, making cardboard boxes or being here supporting Wales?" Kev asked an interviewer, believing there was an obvious answer to that question, although many others would regard it as a very close decision.

Quite sensibly, Kev has taken the precaution of booking a flight home following the England v Wales quarter-final.

* Media guides are invaluable, especially when you're on the hunt in the name of strange but true. Whoever supplied the info for the Japanese team was obsessed by size but hadn't worked out that their players are on a different scale to many others.

Wing Hirotoki Onozawa is "big and strong enough to genuinely break the defensive line." Onozawa is 82kg.

Prop Masahiko Toyoyama is a "big prop who chills out watching baseball." Toyoyama is 107kg.

The meanie in the Japanese team is prop Masahito Yamamato, "the heaviest member of the squad ... [who] chooses to intimidate those on the ski slopes with his favoured pastime of snowboarding."

Yamamato is only 112kg, which is small by prop standards, although maybe not so harmless when used to terrorise holidaymakers.

* This isn't so strange, but it is true. The Sydney Morning Herald has a bits-and-pieces column each day, including a section called "More Muzzas," dedicated to the mad mutterings of commentators, which it has named after ... drum roll, our very own Murray Mexted, the "Great Malapropiser."

One of the latest contributions: commentator Greg Martin, during the Italy-Canada game, said the crowd would be excited if it realised the Canadian fullback had "originally" been born in Gosford.

A more Muzza-like comment came from Chris Handy, who was taken by England's cling-film uniforms and gushed: "Look at the incredible muscle definition of the England backs." The backline, that is, not the back muscles.

* From the better-never-than-late file ... World Cup defector Trevor Leota's offer to bolster an injury-hit Samoan team.

Where were you, Trevor old bean, before Samoa's valiant effort against England?

Where you were ... Trevor me lad, was in England, earning all that dosh from Wasps while your countrymen were putting it on the line.

You'll just have to live with that one. Making that phone call was not clever, Trevor.