Peter FitzSimons: Things were so much funnier in my day

COMMENT

On the day that England play Australia in Brisbane ... where has the humour gone?

I'll start by going back to the 1991 World Cup final. I think it was either Jason Little or Tim Horan who told me the story, but in essence the probably apocryphal yarn goes that after a typically brilliant David Campese pass midway through the second half, the great Australian winger falls to the ground and the worst of all possible things happens.

A ruck forms over Our Campo. And somewhere in the middle of that dark, horrible netherworld, someone slippers the great man. Campo finally emerges from the ruck, shaking with rage, and points furiously at the Welsh referee, Derek Bevan.

"One of these bastards has kicked me," he yells, now wildly gesticulating at the men in white jerseys. "You've got to send someone off."

It is at this point that English captain Will Carling steps forward to make a singularly telling observation. "To be fair, Campo," he says, "it could have been any one of 29 of us."

Boom! Boom!

And it was in that same tournament that the Australian Rugby Union president of the time, "Smoking Joe" French - so called because in his whole adult life, if he was awake he was smoking - found himself placed in the Royal Box beside the most beautiful woman in the world, Princess Diana.

This was an agony for Joe, as royal protocol demanded that for the entire duration of the game he not be allowed to smoke, something he only just managed.

In the dressing room after the Wallaby win, therefore, though the euphoria was near total, there was one notable exception. Amid all the cheering and carrying on, Smoking Joe was seen to be furiously sucking on a succession of cigarettes, trying to catch up.

"Did you enjoy the game, Joe?" the Wallabies' assistant forward coach, Jake Howard, inquired.

"Yes," Joe growled after another long drag on his cigarette.

"Was it nice to sit next to as beautiful a woman as Princess Di?"

"Yeahhhh," Joe finally conceded after one more long draw, "but she knows f*** all about rugby."

True story!

Now compare those kinds of yarns with the sort of stuff we get in rugby today. This may just be me showing my age, and everyone is actually having a laugh a minute, but am I alone in thinking that rugby has become so damn serious that it's no longer kosher to have a bit of a laugh? Take the English coach, for example.

I've always liked Clive Woodward, but fair dinkum, one more narky comment from him about the injuries, the referees, the All Blacks, the wind, the rain, the sky, and I am going to jack up.

I remember him as a good bloke to be around and an amiable dinner companion - and maybe he still is - but, by God, it doesn't show up in many of his public pronouncements.

Ditto my mate Eddie Jones. Great bloke. Laugh a minute in the old days. But listen to him now. When asked on Thursday precisely what it would mean to him to coach Australia to a victory over the world-champion England side for the first time in six outings, Eddie let all his exultation out at once.

"It will probably mean that I will have a more enjoyable four hours after the game. Then it will all start again on Sunday. When you're a professional coach, you don't get too excited by wins or losses ... But I might smile after the game."

Mighty big of you, Eddie. But ain't that just the pressures of professionalism all over?

Look then to the players. Again I might be being harsh but, with rare exceptions, how many times do we see players coming out with the zinging one-liners, or stinging ripostes, the way they did in days of yore?

But don't take my word for it. Listen to what even Martin Johnson himself told me on Wednesday night, with my tape-recorder rolling.

"I think you see 95 per cent of anything said in the press now is so utterly boring because people are so afraid of ever getting quoted on something controversial. It's actually nice to see people have a little bit of a pop at each other ."

Or at least say something out of the bleeding bloody obvious before and after every match!

I know, I know. Nothing is more pathetic than the poor bastard who retired more than a decade ago, now heard to be singing the famous chorus of the Rugby Players' Lament, "It was better in myyyyyyyyyyyyy day".

But seeing as you ask, I can't help but feel exactly that.

And to get back to those days, my view is that all of us - players, coaches, administrators, officials, referees, spectators and, oh all right, media - have to lighten the hell up! Do you hear me? We want you to send in the clowns!

* Thank you, New Zealand. They have safely arrived. Which brings me to the game against England tonight. Our blokes will mop up whatever you have left over. And that will be fun!