International rugby union icon, Jonny Wilkinson has revealed his struggle with mental health.
The former poster-boy of England rugby revealed in an interview with the Express that he doubted himself his whole career.
"I had mental health stuff throughout my entire life," Wilkinson told the Express.
"I had times when I'd be speaking to my family before England games from the team hotel where I was inches away from going to tell the coach I couldn't play. Make up an excuse not to. That was the state I was in. It was pure panic. Chaos."
Jonny Wilkinson has opened up on the mental health issues that plagued his career. Photo / Getty Images
Despite going down in history as one of the all-time greats and breaking the hearts of Australia when he won England the 2003 World Cup with that drop goal, Wilkinson said he struggled with day-to-day life.
"I had this amazing house in the quiet countryside with a jacuzzi. I had a roof over my head, money, people looking after me – I had everything I could possibly need.
"I was sat in that jacuzzi and I could not have been less happy," he said.
Wilkinson recounted a pre-season game with Toulon where he locked himself in a toilet cubicle moments before kickoff.
While the team was outside waiting for him, he was trying to seek assurance from his kicking coach and psychological crutch, Dave Alred, on the phone.
Jonny Wilkinson says his playing days were mared with self-doubt. Photo / Getty Images
"I'd shut myself in the cubicle so no one could see what I was doing.
"You don't make phone calls from the changing room just before a game. You just don't," Wilkinson told the Express.
"The team was outside in a huddle waiting for me. I was supposed to be giving the 'come on we can do this' speech and I was a shivering wreck in the toilet.
"So I was crouched down phoning Dave. And of course he wasn't there. Why should he be?
"So I'm stuck in the cubicle with the phone and I can hear the team manager saying, 'Where's Jonny? We've got to go out in two minutes'."
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