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Home / Sport / Rugby / All Blacks

Steve Braunias: Secret diary of the All Blacks selection squad

Steve Braunias
By Steve Braunias
Senior Writer·NZ Herald·
30 Aug, 2019 05:00 PM3 mins to read

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Steve Hansen remains unruffled under pressure. Photo / Andrew Cornaga / www.Photosport.nz

Steve Hansen remains unruffled under pressure. Photo / Andrew Cornaga / www.Photosport.nz

Steve Braunias
Opinion by Steve Braunias
Steve Braunias writes for the Listener and Newsroom.
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COMMENT

Mike McRoberts

This is not a drill. Repeat: this is not a drill. The air-raid sirens you hear are real. They are not a sound in your head. This is an emergency. But relax! It's a good emergency. We cross live to the All Blacks selection squad for the 2019 Rugby World Cup.

The Prime Minister will be along in a moment. So will the Governor-General. The admiral of the fleet is on standby, and if I'm not mistaken here comes the supreme power in the land. A moment's silence please as we welcome Steve Hansen.

Mike McRoberts calls for calm in the middle of the emergency. Photo / Jason Oxenham
Mike McRoberts calls for calm in the middle of the emergency. Photo / Jason Oxenham
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Steve Hansen

Yeah thanks Mike, look, it's a matter of who can cope with the pressure and who can't, and so I tip my hat to you for the way you're holding it together right now. It's a mark of the man and I want to pay my respects to you.

Please don't cry.

Simon Dallow

"Shattered." That's how the entire country is feeling right now as we cross live to the All Blacks selection squad for the 2019 Rugby World Cup.

There's a man crying and being comforted by All Blacks supremo Steve Hansen as he prepares to name the squad.

The feeling in the room is electrifying. A current of energy is running through it. You could boil an egg in it at the very least and I'm talking hard-boiled, the whole nine yards.

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Steve Hansen is clearing his throat. He does it with a gravitas denied most mortals who clear their throats. For is he not a god who walks among us and talks without seeming to move his lips?

Simon Dallow feels for 'traumatised', 'shattered' New Zealanders. Photo / Supplied
Simon Dallow feels for 'traumatised', 'shattered' New Zealanders. Photo / Supplied

Steve Hansen

Yeah righto thanks everyone and look the first thing I want to say is that we've had to make some tough decisions but that's what it's all about at this level and I'm confident that if we all pull together as a team then we as New Zealanders can get through this together.

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Mike McRoberts

A record number of 111 calls are being made right now.

Simon Dallow

"Traumatised." That's how the entire country is feeling as Steve Hansen calls for New Zealanders to show courage and resolve as the nation tries to get to terms with Liam Squire, Ngani Laumape and 108-test veteran Owen Franks being left out of the selection squad for the 2019 Rugby World Cup.

Test veteran Owen Franks has been left out of the selection squad for the 2019 Rugby World Cup. Photo / Getty Images
Test veteran Owen Franks has been left out of the selection squad for the 2019 Rugby World Cup. Photo / Getty Images

Steve Hansen

Owen Franks is one of the great All Blacks but we believe the game requires us to have big, mobile No 1s and No 3s and in this case we feel the guys we've named are more so than he.

The admiral of the fleet

You heard the man. Everything's going to be all right. But as a precaution, we have introduced martial law, and looters will be shot on sight.

The Governor-General

Please remain calm. I have spoken with the Queen and while she's a bit tied up with a minor fuss involving Prince Andrew, she passes on her enduring love and support at this difficult time.

The Prime Minister

Let me be perfectly clear. I don't know what to make of this.

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Mike McRoberts

Stay with us for rolling coverage every second between now and the opening game of the 2019 Rugby World Cup.

Simon Dallow

"Dear God."

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