They support each other’s careers while being half a world apart, celebrating wins and overcoming challenges.
Professional rugby players frequently talk about the support they have at home as their busy lives take them all over the world. Their partners are often the ones that keep things ticking along while they focus on an all-consuming role.
So, what if the spouse is a professional rugbyplayer, too?
That’s the reality for Black Fern Chelsea Bremner and her partner, Tongan international prop Joe Apikotoa. They’re both packing down in the tight five of their respective competitions — but half a world away from each other. It’s become their normal.
“The first year I was up with Chiefs, I was based in Auckland for six months when he was with Moana Pasifika — so we lived together at that time. The rest of the time we’ve been just pretty much making it work,” Bremner says.
Overlapping seasons can mean the pair are living apart for the majority of the year.
“I think the fact that we’re both doing what we love makes it that much easier.”
Chelsea Bremner sizing up Lori Cramer of Australia during the Laurie O'Reilly Cup clash at Adelaide in 2022. Photo / photosport.nz
The Black Ferns lock is back home in Canterbury and back in Matatu colours for Super Rugby Aupiki. Bremner will have her sister Alana packing scrums behind her and her parents and family packed into the stands for the 2025 season — but her partner will support from afar. Apikotoa is in the early stages of the 2025 Major League Rugby competition.
“He’s in his second stint in America now. He plays for Anthem, the team that was created last year — and he was there from the get-go. He absolutely loves the team and that’s why he went back,” she says.
North Carolina-based Anthem RC, under the coaching of former All Black and Manu Samoa mid-fielder Alama Ieremia, are yet to bag a win in their short history — though they couldn’t have got much closer in the latest round (losing 31-32 to Miami Sharks).
“It’s really frustrating but it’s also exciting at the same time. We’re putting ourselves in better positions to win games,” says Apikotoa.
Matatu on the other hand had a great start to the Aupiki season with an entertaining first-up win over Chiefs Manawa (31-25).
“We’re definitely each other’s biggest supporters, and we’re always there for each other. Obviously, not every day is amazing, not every game goes well,” Bremner says.
But almost every game can be seen - even from the States.
“I’ve figured a way to get my sky go working so I can always tune in,” says Apikotoa.
Chelsea Bremner and Joe Apikotoa are rarely in each other's company during the rugby season. In this instance, it's while Joe's Hawke's Bay team travelled to Christchurch to play Canterbury. Photo / Supplied
“There’s injuries and, obviously, games that you wish you could have done better in, and it’s awesome to have each other to pick each other up after those kind of games, but also to have each other to celebrate our wins.” Bremner
The year ahead could be a busy one for the couple, with domestic competitions and potential international call-ups. Apikotoa won’t return from MLR until June — by which time Bremner hopes to be assembling with the Black Ferns.
Tonga will also be preparing for RWC2027 qualification in the middle of the year, with the Pacific Nations Cup series scheduled for late July.
“And then obviously we’ve got our World Cup this year over in England [from late August]. So that’s the goal, and I would absolutely love to make it over there. Meanwhile, Joe will be playing for Hawke’s Bay [in NPC], the team that he absolutely loves,” Bremner says.
Bird Gang! Joe Apikotoa celebrates scoring a try for Hawke's Bay Magpies vs Bay of Plenty Steamers in Mitre 10 Cup provincial rugby, McLean Park, Napier. HB won 29-28. Photo / Duncan Brown.
Tonga are also scheduled to play an autumn international against Scotland in November.
Both have played in Rugby World Cups in recent years, and while Apikotoa has made it to a few Black Ferns tests, Bremner says she’s only ever seen her partner play for Tonga on television.
“I know we would absolutely have loved to have been there for the massive milestones like that, but we’ve both kind of got our own dreams we’re chasing for the while.”
The 29-year-old sees these tests in their relationship as part of the privilege she’s been afforded as a professional rugby player.
“I know a few years ago it was one of those things where rugby just wasn’t a career option for women, but now that I’m able to do that and Joe’s supporting me with that, it’s just incredible.”
Chelsea and Alana Bremner during the 2023 O’Reilly Cup test match between the New Zealand Black Ferns and Australia Wallaroos at FMG Stadium in Hamilton, New Zealand on Saturday September 30, 2023. Copyright photo: Aaron Gillions / www.photosport.nz
Their situation isn’t common, but they aren’t the only ones who are forging individual careers as a couple.
“Steiny and Rams [Grace Steinmetz and Rameka Poihipi] up in the Chiefs and Kennedy and Solly [Kennedy Tukuafu nee Simon and Solomone Tukuafu] are now doing long distance as well. He’s over in France. It’s really awesome that we’re able to follow our dreams as well as our partner’s,” Bremner says.
“We talk about it often, actually, how lucky we are.”
When Bremner and Apikotoa are lucky enough to find time together, they still like to travel.
“We love going down to Twizel. My family’s had a crib down there for about 20 years, so we just absolutely love going down there and just chilling out. Joe gets a fishing rod out and that’s kind of some nice time where we can have some R&R, but also some family time as well.”
But there’s no R&R just yet for the qualified primary school teacher. Her Matatu team are gearing up for their first home game this weekend — taking on Hurricanes Poua on Sunday afternoon.
That’s where her focus will be — just as Apikotoa’s will be on trying to get that first win for Anthem as they prepare for Old Glory the same day.
Joe Apikotoa and Chelsea Bremner both love to travel - something they're often doing with rugby, and wherever possible together. Sometimes both. Photo / Supplied
Bremner and Apikotoa may not be in the same hemisphere — but they’re very much on the same page.
“I think that’s what makes it work and that’s what we do talk about, like we both get it, we both understand it,” Bremner says.
“Making time during our day to have a proper catch up and check in on each other. It can get pretty hectic between time differences and rugby schedules but we always find a way make it work,” says Apikotoa.
