I know he's the All Black captain, and I know he's adored by hundreds of thousands around the country, and I know he hangs with that blonde chick from the telly. You know, the one who's the face of uber-cool fashion brand Huffer, yet also weirdly hangs outin the so uncool world of ballroom dancing. I know he's a god to many and he never has a bad word to say about anyone. I know he's one of the most eligible men in the country (so does the aforementioned cool/uncool blonde) - but Richie, I'm just not that into you.
OK, so we all know Richie McCaw won't exactly be shaking in his Adidas boots. He's not going to head for the tallest building in Christchurch, or keep the motor running on the Ford in the garage. In fact, I'm sure McCaw couldn't give a toddle about his female fan club, least of all me.
But the problem is, barring newbie Richard Kahui, is there anyone in the All Blacks to fancy anymore?
Now, before you get on your high horse and screech like a mad woman about Dan in his jocks, I give you this: Where's the new hot totty to ogle at?
Bugger them (the ABs) being there on the field to win matches and World Cups. I mean it's great when/if they do. Call me selfish, but I want hotties to swoon over. And Richie, frankly, you're no good to me sheltering in the stands with a braced-up ankle.
I'll admit it. I'm a fair-weather fan. I'll 'fess up now that I'll probably spend more time planning my outfit for next week's Eden Park match than I'll spend there actually watching the game. But while I'm there I know I'll be checking out the players. Studying their credentials (biceps, butt, babe-factor).
So tomorrow night, when the All Blacks take on the Wallabies, I hope the boys take comfort in the fact that it's not just their rugby skill and expertise being judged. It's their full package (ahem) offer that will have me - and other shallow supporters - on the edge of the seat.
