KEY POINTS:
Australian rugby is erupting the Lesley "Volcano" Vainikolo way, but its shiny new passport to success won't lead New Zealand to offering entry visas to the world's rugby tourists. Of that you can be certain, and rightly so.
The Aussies want overseas stars for their Super 14 teams,
and there are also suggestions that they lure and groom rising foreign talent for the Wallaby colours. Everyone from Aussie boss John O'Neill to hired Kiwi hands Robbie Deans and John Mitchell plus leading players such as Phil Waugh have hitched up to the import bandwagon, claiming it might rescue a beleaguered sport in Australia.
Deans reckoned it would lead to "interest in selection". In a giant leap of faith and logic, he claimed it would - in tandem with an expanded competition - generate income to fight the player drain to Europe.
"You could select Australians to play Super 14 in Africa and New Zealand and vice versa," said Deans hand on heart, although more likely with O'Neill's hand up his back.
Vice maybe, but versa not. The day the New Zealand Rugby Union spends up large on foreigners is the day Anton Oliver and Laurie Mains will share a crib.
And if private enterprise is allowed a bigger role in the national game, as it should be, it hardly needs to trawl foreign waters when there is so much ability on our shores.
Yes, there have been a few exceptions to the All Black-eligible Super 14 policy. Isa Nacewa is one, and Fijian wings have been allowed in droves. But imports will never be the rule.
Good luck to the Aussies, but the grand parade they are preparing for the likes of an ageing Irishman, Brian O'Driscoll - to mention a name that is often mentioned - will end up as crumpled party hats and limp balloons if they think their total salvation lies offshore.
Among the preachers of this New Testament according to the beliefs of O'Neill is the Brumbies coach Laurie Fisher, and you could only marvel at his audacity.
Fisher owes his job to a player-led coup against David Nucifora, who was preparing to scrape at the veneer of Brumbies stars but was cut down by the under-threat legends who feared his succession plan. The Brumbies have paid the price ever since, and now Fisher is in the vanguard, wanting to pay an even higher price for imports.
Australian rugby has been laid low by poor player development and in their hour of need they are grasping madly at overseas straws.
You'll see Steve Tew sporting Elvis Presley sideburns before this country chases overseas players for Super 14 teams. New Zealand rugby may have problems but lack of playing talent isn't one of them, so why encourage a further loss of identity in the pursuit of what you already have. A financially-challenged rugby nation doesn't need flashy Europeans who've decided to combine their superannuation and holiday plans either.
Yes, New Zealand has pushed dangerous boundaries. Joeli Vidiri springs to mind - a bad business that - and they hunted Rupeni Caucaunibuca. Sitiveni Sivivatu, a teenager when he came here, also plays with a lack of intensity in contrast to his talent. But it is not a comprehensive recruitment policy.
Start praying Wallaby fans, because your troubles are only just beginning if O'Neill and his many spokesmen have their way encouraging fake Aussies into the national side.
The intangibles which create the greatest of international sports warriors still have plenty to do with national pride, and are not easily bought and sold. Think Martin Johnson, Ruben Wiki, Steve Waugh. Lesley Vainikolo - I think not.
There was no more tragic sight than that of the cumbersome Vainikolo trundling around Twickenham last week as England guided Wales to victory.
Vainikolo lacks the nuances for rugby tests, and it's difficult to see how this transplanted Tongan/Kiwi would find the spirit for the battle either.
Vainikolo has barely concealed his mercenary heart - England "puts food on my table" he said of his test selection. This showed in more places than his own dalliances against Wales.
An English team of limited ability that played on enormous national pride to win the 2003 World Cup has, just a few years later, sacrificed its soul for the dubious offerings of a player who is having a heck of a time on his OE. Vainikolo is as English as a barbecued prawn on a beach towel.
Not that everything which washed in from overseas this week should have sand kicked in its face. The tired Super 14 needs an overhaul, and the time is right for a visionary leader to drive the change.
At the moment, Sanzar is no more than outbursts of self interest from different time zones. Australia's call for an extended Super season, in other words the development of a proper professional competition, is a legitimate one and Sanzar needs a charismatic champion to make it happen.
The solution for Australasia may be that - Australasia. A full professional competition, minus the midnight-to-dawn contribution of South Africa, can fire the game here as the NRL does for rugby league.
For now, New Zealand needs customs barriers. With O'Neill on the prowl for foreign stars you can bet Australian rugby's bottom dollar that their scouts are headed this way.
