Chris Rattue: The Worst XV of King Henry's reign

Graham Henry. Photo / Mark Mitchell

Public opinion has not treated the former All Black Shayne Philpott kindly, apparently to the point that he almost sold his test cap.

What on earth is the world coming to?

Philpott wasn't actually that bad, but since we're putting the boot in ... here's a composite All Black team from the Graham Henry era that would be dead certs to lose the World Cup (not that it is ours to lose).

15.) SOSENE ANESI

A one-test non-wonder fullback from 2005. Replaced Daniel Carter in his only test appearance - true story. Flashy, but not flash overall. Injury hasn't helped but goodness knows why the Waratahs signed him when they have enough flakes of their own.

14.) BEN SMITH

The renaissance man according to southerners. Have to take their word for it, since my devotion to Super rugby doesn't often extend to watching the Highlanders. Looked fairly ordinary in his All Black stint compared with the Sivivatus of this world. As for being Ben Smith - All Black wings need handles like Josevata, Hosea, Rico, Rene, Rudi, Cory, Sitiveni, Zac, Israel, Jonah. Call it the Engelbert Humperdinck effect. Do you think Sonny Bill Williams would be Sonny Bill Williams if he wasn't Sonny Bill Williams? Come on. Try Benny Boy Smith-Wesson and just watch your career take off.

13.) ANTHONY TUITAVAKE

Part of a near All Black disaster at Munster in his one All Black centre appearance. Little Toot played for North Harbour, which says a lot, and had a loyal army of supporters. Great to watch and would tear Uruguay and co to bits but you winced at the prospect of him running into the Stirling Mortlocks of the rugby world and there were always better wing prospects about.

12.) MA'A NONU

Struggling to get near the form he displays on the tricky-dicky TV advert. Many of us are big fans of his game but not his rugby brain. Nonu is the bloke most likely to give away the losing World Cup final penalty in front of the sticks in the last second while looking confused. Of course, he might also have won the game for the All Blacks by then, or maybe not. Doesn't really deserve to be in this lineup, but he is topical and I needed a big-name signing.

11.) LELIA MASAGA

Faster than a speeding bullet ... but not exactly a gun. Still has fans waiting for the second coming. Once ran into a lamppost and broke his collarbone - which sneaks him in here just ahead of Scott "Bubbles" Hamilton.

10.) STEPHEN DONALD

A mandatory choice. This team would have no credibility without the Waiuku Wonder. Donald proves that society can't function without someone to pick on all the time. If he had never made the All Blacks, he might have been regarded as unlucky. The Give Deon Muir a Shot Committee would have held rallies in the Hamilton Town Square, or at least met at the Chartwell Cobb and Co to bemoan Donald's fate. Interesting to ponder what it is like to dream of becoming an All Black only to be given a right good kicking once you get there ... Philpott's auction ruction has provided one answer to that.

9.) KEVIN SENIO

Huh? Did he win a reality TV series or something?

8.) SIONE LAUAKI (C)

The sky was the limit for this enormous unit, but unfortunately his head was in the clouds.

7.) STEVEN BATES

Bates replaced Richie McCaw in his only test, in Rome. Not the greatest career move.

6.) ANGUS MACDONALD

All Black No 1061. Played against Scotland and never played again. Could be the first time the Scots have ended an opponent's rugby career.

5.) KEVIN O'NEILL

You think I'm making this up. Check the Rugby Almanack.

4.) ROSS FILIPO

Definitely better than O'Neill.

3.) JOHN SCHWALGER

Graham Henry should be sent a "please explain" note for picking Schwalger. Has anyone come close to working this out. Mind you, Schwalger isn't the only member of the dodgy All Black prop department. In hindsight, Campbell Johnstone and co look even worse, now that Owen "Real Deal" Franks has turned up. The selectors were bound to get one right some day.

2.) ALED DE MALMANCHE

Oops, another Chief. His lineout throwing is an exceedingly long work in progress.

1.) NEEMIA TIALATA

Could be world class. Should be. There have been worse All Black props in the Henry reign but none who fall so short of potential. Can be a very scary monster, especially on Twitter.