Springboks captain Siya Kolisi has opened up on his difficult past and his battles with alcohol.
Kolisi, who became South African rugby's first black captain, has just released an official biography detailing his inspirational rise from poverty to winning the 2019 Rugby World Cup.
But four years before his triumphin Japan, he admits he struggled with alcoholism and battled his own demons.
The 30-year-old made his test debut in June 2013 at 22, but would be in and out of the starting XV and barely played in the 2015 World Cup.
He says he fell into the drink during that time, to the point that his partner Rachel, whom he would marry a year later, left England a week early during the tournament.
He said his wife persuaded him to find a Christian mentor, Ben Schoeman, who gave him blunt advice: "Siya, you drink a lot, you fool around with women, you go to strip clubs. You post on social media about your faith in Christ, but you're lying to yourself and everyone else."
Kolisi said it was the turning point, and although he found it difficult to stop drinking, it was therapeutic and life changing.
"I started opening up to him and we spoke deeply. He told me I needed to stop drinking. It was tough at the beginning but now I don't miss it," he told the Guardian.
"I want to encourage people that it's OK to look for help. Too many people commit suicide out of desperation because they're too proud to talk to someone else. I want to encourage men to speak because they don't talk to each other. Men don't open up or want to cry. Men want to look strong at all times. But life is not about that. You can't carry all that weight because it can break you."
Since then, he says he and his wife were determined to use their platform for good, with gender violence being a main area of concern, something born from his upbringing when he witnessed the abuse his mother received.
"You win the World Cup and get given a platform," he said. "Rachel said: 'You couldn't help your mother or your aunt but you can help other women.' She was right. Gender violence hurts me even if I am a man. I have my own daughter, my wife and my sister. I would never want them to suffer this violence."
Kolisi also spoke about his next sporting dream, which is to equal Richie McCaw and the All Blacks by leading the Springboks to becoming the second captain and country to defend the World Cup title.
He says the Springboks' win over the All Blacks last Saturday gave him more confidence that it was possible.
"I've always believed in the group and I do believe it's possible. But we have a lot to get right and then we go to Europe in November."
