Let's dispense with the pamphlets, World Rugby. Let's take the game from the Webb Ellis era to the computer-fuelled age we inhabit, let's take a quantum leap with your concept about an idiot's guide to rugby and arrange video clips, graphics and links to the ref which spectators can access on their smart phones.
To save you time here are 10 hints for rugby language you're likely to run into at this year's World Cup and what it all means.
10-man rugby: The To'n'Froms like to kick a bit so this is time for the tight five (another term) to have a spell and get ready for their set-piece (another term) work.
Blood-bin: Where both teams pool the plasma from their wounds and send it away for scientific research.
Scissors: Handy accessory when headbands are too tight (not to be confused with tight-head) and a nifty crossover move in the backline.
Professional foul: This is where the big boys put out a hit on their rivals and complete it under the referee's nose and only get a 10-minute jail term.
Shoeing: A Pommie term for wiping your footwear on an opponent's jersey. We called it rucking before World Rugby outlawed it.
Hospital pass: Usually comes with an accompanying "see you in outpatients" apology as the target is met by the ball and an avalanche of tacklers.
Dummy: Can be your opponent, the ref or term for a tackle bag but usually a fake pass intended to fool the drift (another term) defenders.
Great hit/great tackle: Nothing to do with the music business or anatomical comparisons, merely appreciation about stopping a rival.
Rolling maul: When the unfathomable turns into a moving mass of confusion and referees flip a law-book out of their pocket looking for guidance and find another truck and trailer term to add another layer of misunderstanding.
Positions: Hooker - not slang for a street-worker but the bloke wedged between two props while World Rugby has inside and outside centres playing in midfield without a middle centre. Then there's a flyhalf who's a tricky dude rather than a first five-eighth or out-half.
