Steve Deane: Never mind the game, watch the build-up

Aussies show they can hype it up with the best, but there's always the hoons. Photo / Getty Images

You've got to wonder if the reason so much effort is invested in the pre-match entertainment on Grand Final day is because the games are often such drab affairs.

In fairness, the sporting contests don't have much chance, given the degree to which they are built up.

"This is quite probably the biggest footballing event in the history of New South Wales" opined that master of understatement Ray Warren just before the kick-off.

It probably would have been, too ... if the Eels had won it.

Instead, Warren and his Sydney-based cohorts had to choke on another victory by the upstart out-of-staters.

Great stuff.

Historically, the United States has led the way when it comes to conferring a preposterous level of importance on their sporting events.

The Yanks also love nothing more than a bit of rampant patriotism. Warren may have been keen to rabbit on ad nauseam about the game being beamed to the States for the first time, but that was nothing compared to the salutations the leaders of the free world dish up.

My favourite was when a commentator sent out his greetings to "people on ships everywhere" during a MLB All Star game a few years ago.

It wasn't clear whether the North Korean Navy was included in that, but it wasn't explicitly ruled out.

They might not quite pull it off, but at least the Aussies have a go at topping the Yanks in over-the-topness. Bringing in a military helicopter to "lead the crowd in a Mexican wave" was right up there in the wackiness stakes.

One wonders why they didn't use the helicopter to fetch Jarryd Hayne's right boot after the superstar turned up with two left ones in his kit.

Instead, a police escort led the charge to Chateau Hayne and disaster was apparently averted, although Hayne largely played like he had two left feet anyway.

In the end, the Aussies' attempts at sporting event greatness were undone by the most traditional of formalities.

It only takes a handful of oafs to ruin a minute's silence, but put 80,000 Aussies together and that quota is virtually assured, as evidenced by the morons who shouted "c'mon Parra" throughout the minute dedicated to remembering Samoan tsunami victims.

Maybe that helicopter is a good idea after all. Next year they could chuck a couple of snipers in it and get them to police the minute's silence.