Chris Rattue: Kiwis chaos - we like it that way

The Kiwis' best hope of beating Australia in Friday's Anzac test might lie in the fact that no one is giving them any hope.

Who would give them any chance in this game at Brisbane?

Injuries, suspensions, players out of position. The usual chaos. They have even managed to hold on to tradition by flying in a player - Thomas Leuluai - from the inferior arena of the English Super League.

Of course there has to be a controversy in the background as well. Stacey Jones' continued test absence and the reason for it hardly seems to rate a mention, but it is safe to assume that he doesn't get on with his old Warriors boss Daniel Anderson, now the Kiwi coach.

Given that the Warriors are a decade old and New Zealanders are flooding over the ditch to join NRL clubs like never before, the remarkable aspect of this Kiwi team is how many things are wrong with it.

For a start, there is no specialist dummy half, the player who touches the ball the most, who plays a huge part in dictating the flow of a game.

Kiwi No 9 Louis Anderson, who at 100kg is hardly built for the job, has - as far as I can make out - made about four dummy half runs in the entire season, which is a couple less than Luke Priddis makes every game. This does not look promising.

Rattue was also going to suggest that the Kiwis could have done a proper job of lulling Australia into an even greater sense of security by fielding a team without a goalkicker.

Events overtook this gag: Sione Faumuina - a part time kicker anyway - succumbed to injury, meaning the Kiwis WILL go in to the test without a goalkicker.

This is some achievement, facing Australia without a recognised dummy half or goalkicker, not to mention that halves Leuluai and Benji Marshall have still got the training wheels on.

To get really picky, Jerome Ropati is not a deadset top-level fullback either. The Australian kickers and chasers will have a field day pinning Ropati down. But compared to the aforementioned deficiencies, picking on Ropati's inexperience is being picky.

Not that being given no hope is necessarily a bad thing for our national league side.

The Kiwis' rare league test victories over Australia have often come when they have been totally written off, as opposed to the normal state of affairs when they are just written off.

Conversely, shattering Kiwi defeats have arrived when - quite foolishly - we downplayed Australia prospects or got a little over-excited about our own.

Nothing illustrates this quite like events over a three-week period in mid-1991.

The Kiwis that year, who included Auckland club players and others from league strongholds like Halifax and Carlisle, were rated as dog tucker in the first test at Melbourne, where they faced an Australian team full of absolute greats.

On a glorious night, Gary Freeman, Brent Todd and Tawera Nikau were in the vanguard as the Kiwis won 24-8. The country went mad. Some of the players might have as well.

Australian journos were even ringing the Herald, wanting to know whether Jarrod McCracken had a girlfriend or if any of the blokes used hair gel. It's doubtful if a New Zealand sports team has ever won such instant fame, especially in Australia.

The Australian selectors responded by turning some of their defeated greats into former test greats.

And, smelling blood, we got set for the most famous test series victory ever.

The Kiwis' gee-up in their hotel before the second test in Sydney involved watching a video of a stripper. This was prophetic because just like the woman on the video, they ended up with nothing. Australia, meanwhile, managed 44. The Australians were almost as dominant in the third test at Brisbane.

That beaten Australian team in Melbourne included legendary names - Wally Lewis, Alfie Langer, Mal Meninga, Andrew Ettingshausen, Steve Roach, Steve Walters, Ian Roberts, Bob Lindner and Bradley Clyde.

It remains a goddam sporting miracle that the Kiwis won.

In terms of greats, the current Australian team might rank as their weakest in history. Only Darren Lockyer qualifies now that Shane Webcke has called it quits.

But in this era of the interchange and constant change, enduring superstars may become a thing of the past anyway.

Other traditions should see Australia safely home however.

Being sticklers for these sorts of things, they have been able to include specialist and experienced players in key positions and a couple of handy goalkickers.

The former should ensure their success, to the point that the latter will hardly be an issue.