KEY POINTS:
Hockey veteran Caryn Paewai has replaced the mental anguish of being dropped for the 2004 Olympic Games with physical discomfort going to Beijing.
Paewai is nursing her 32-year-old body through to Beijing, probably her international swan song, four years after she feared her long test career was actually
over.
New Zealand's most capped active women's player, she was among a number of experienced players dropped when Australian Ian Rutledge was coach.
But new coach Kevin Towns has gone back to the savvy of Paewai, Tara Drysdale, Niniwa Roberts and captain Lizzy Igasan.
Missing selection for Athens cut Paewai deep, as did being overlooked for the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne.
"When I was dropped I thought 'okay, what do I do now?'."
She busied herself as a mentor for young players in Palmerston North and now at the Kelt Capital hockey academy in Hawke's Bay, while still turning out in the domestic league.
A conversation with Towns at a coaching conference two years ago encouraged her to persevere as a player.
When Towns took over the women's Black Sticks in late 2006, Paewai was an automatic selection.
"From that initial discussion I knew she felt there might have been some unfinished business in terms of her own career and what she wanted out of it," Towns said before the team headed to Hong Kong for their final build-up matches.
"Caryn probably should have been in Athens and she got a little disheartened. When I got on board I wanted to see where she was at and she didn't take much persuading."
Paewai, who has racked up 141 tests since her debut in 1999, also recalled that chat with Towns, who was then coaching the men's Black Sticks.
"He was very complimentary and said I still had the ability to play at international level. He gave me the confidence to feel I could contribute, so I thought I'd have a crack at it."
Paewai, a member of the side that captivated New Zealand before finishing sixth at the Sydney Olympics in 2000, steps gingerly around the Rutledge tenure - a reign that saw defender Igasan refuse to play.
"It just didn't feel right under Ian," she offered.
And now that she has made her comeback, there's other aspects that don't quite gel either.
More than a decade of elite hockey has its consequences, so Paewai has a modified training programme.
"There are management programmes in place to try and get me through," said Paewai after one of her regular visits to the physiotherapist's table.
"When we're on a tour or a test series I have to make sure I'm taking on enough protein, I have self massage, massage from the physio....rehab exercises.
"Quiet a few of our games (in Beijing) are early -- and I'm not too good in the mornings. I have to really be limbered up. We're working on a 45-minute routine of stretches so I can get to that nice loosened up stage quicker."
Paewai reeled off ailments that have prompted her meticulous preparations.
A slipped disc in her back has caused hamstring problems; there's tendonitis in both feet.
Yet for all that, she claimed to be physically sharper than ever and definitely quicker than in her younger years.
Getting through a game has also not been an issue.
Paewai made her return in last year's Champions Challenge in Azerbaijan and most recently battled through the Four Nations tournament in Beijing in June - where the Black Sticks banked some encouraging results after a lean 12 months.
"I was comfortable with my body, mind you I was on quite a few drugs at the time," she joked.
Towns certainly appreciated Paewai's devotion to duty and painkiller consumption.
"It's pretty tough for Caryn. There's a lot of niggles and soreness here and there that the younger players don't get.
"She's had to nurse herself and she's done damn well. She's a pretty creative hockey player and she's serving a very good role in our side up front."
- NZPA