Here's how we see the greatest show on Earth

By MONIQUE DEVEREUX

One week on and Athens fever has taken hold across the country. Will it last? Probably not, especially if we don't win gold (or any medal) sometime soon.

Luckily there have been some highlights to keep us hanging on.

Like the Tall Blacks' surprise win over world champions Serbia and Montenegro. In true underdog style the boys snuck up from behind to win in the last three seconds, even if it was with a rough-as-guts technique.

A highlight within that highlight was enthusiastic commentator Bob Manthei, who kept encouraging all of New Zealand to yell at their telly in support.

Ten points down and very little time to go, he says, "Come on, we are going to will them on to victory". And so we did. Thanks Bob.

Never mind that we didn't get to see the third quarter at all, with no explanation from TVNZ. It wasn't a live game, so surely we could have seen it after the swimming heats.

If there were medals for presentation, TVNZ might be lucky to make the finals. Worst is the four-second - or is minute - time delay between Jude in the studio and whoever it happens to be grinning inanely in Athens. Can't they script the questions so the person in Athens starts talking before Jude stops talking?

Some individual performances are worth a medal, Tony Veitch for one. Who else could have kept a straight face after talking up the performance of the "cockless fours".

The soap operas are always good at the Games. This year we've been treated to the mystery suspense doping story starring the first couple of the Greek Olympic team. Costas Kenteris and Ekaterini Thanou played hide and seek with the dope testers, claimed to have been in a timely motorbike accident, and eventually avoided a showdown with the IOC by withdrawing altogether.

This, after Kenteris said he would fight charges against him with "the last drop of my blood". Jeez, the testers only wanted 3mls.

NZ's medal tally is almost embarrassing and the pressure is now on our twin rowers to pull us up above Mongolia on the table.

Medal or no medals, it rankles to hear almost every Kiwi who fails horribly saying: "I'm now concentrating on the Commonwealth Games/Beijing 2008". But will you get a medal there?

Maybe it was too windy, not windy enough, too wet, too much chalk, too cold - whatever, it sounds like sour grapes.

"I'm the youngest in the field ... what can you expect?" and "It wasn't a competition that really suited us," come to mind. Sorry, do you mean the Olympics or the sport altogether?

Here's an idea: maybe the other competitors are just better than us.

At least we look good. The silver fern-emblazoned tracksuits worn by our swimmers is a fashion triumph combining with a statement of national identity.

And the Greek divers have been aesthetically pleasing, and apparently the women's beach volleyball too. Smallbore shooting probably should be left for radio to cover. What is dressage? Why don't the horses wear dresses?

It is great not to go to work humming the US national anthem every day although the Advance Thorpedo Fair seems to get too much airplay.

Are any Brits competing in anything this time?

OUR AWARDS

If we could give medals, this might be the tally so far:

Individual performance: Bob Manthei, gold; Tony Veitch, silver; Paul Holmes, bronze (for not being there, thank you)

Wow factor: Tall Blacks, gold; all men's swimming, silver; toga party at Olympic village and reliving history by holding shotput at Olympia, bronze-equal

Worst effort: Losers who whinge instead of being gracious, gold; drugs scandals in women's weightlifting (so last century), silver; having fewer medals than Mongolia, bronze.

Keeping our hopes alive: Kiwi rowing team, gold; Kiwi cyclists, silver; Beijing Olympics 2008, bronze