Pardon the interruption...
But the latest All Black selection is like finding Don Brash has scored a spot in a comedy festival.
Maybe I'm missing something, but Jordie Barrett is too boring to be the All Black fullback.
Exhibit A: George Nepia, Don Clarke, Fergie McCormick, Allan Hewson, John Gallagher, Christian Cullen, Ben Smith, Beauden Barrett, Christian Cullen, Damian McKenzie, Christian Cullen, Israel Dagg, Christian Cullen....
What a diverse and interesting lot. But here we are in the super-duper All Black attacking blitz age, and the fullback is, well, a bit dull quite frankly.
Scott Barrett is more interesting than Jordie Barrett.
The only time people get excited about Jordie is if a visitor doesn't knock on your door at 3 in the morning.
Great All Black fullbacks need to have something, and I can't find what that something is with Jordie Barrett. He's just there.
The No. 15 hasn't always had to run around like a cross between a spring lamb and a bazooka.
Forget the big forwards, because it was the big fullback Don Clarke who saved this great nation from the 'Boks.
Mighty Don Clarke was the most enigmatic All Black of all time.
He kicked six penalties to win a test during an era where a 6 - 0 scoreline indicated a thrilling contest. When Don Clarke called "my ball" teammates ran away, and the opposition often joined them.
And Clarke was the Boot.
'Boot' was a brand, a statement, a threat, a fabulous description. No other All Black has had a nickname to match it.
Fergie McCormick was like an old tugboat in a jet ski race but if you ran at Fergie then parts of your rib cage might end up in the queue for pie and chips. Fergie had x-ray factor.
Allan Hewson was the mouse who roared.
The 1987 World Cup star John Gallagher revolutionised fullback with his brilliant attacking forays into the line.
Ben Smith is the boy next door too brave for his own good, the supreme optimist and opportunist who could find half a needle in a double-sized haystack and would tidy the hay afterward.
I could go on, but there isn't enough space here to reflect the public adulation for Christian Cullen, and that was just for the racehorse named after him.
As for Nepia, Dagg, Beaudie, McKenzie...blokes who could and can pull a hat out of a rabbit.
Okay, there have been exceptions. For instance, Mils Muliaina played 100 tests and I have trouble remembering any of them or conjuring up an image of what he was about.
You can't knock 100 tests, but that number is the Muliaina x-factor.
Thought we'd moved on from the Muliaina type...but back to Jordie, whose selection against South Africa on Saturday sees Ben Smith move to the wing.
Steve Hansen is stringing us along when he says wing Waisake Naholo has been playing "really, really well" but needed a breather.
Naholo played bloody brilliantly against Australia. Factory workers on $18 an hour need a breather, not test footy wings. The untouchable All Blacks are building a World Cup side people.
Here's the thing with Jordie Barrett. All Black escapee and No. 15 candidate Charles Piutau was actually a big loss, which is probably why he got the cold shoulder.
Jordie doesn't even want to be at fullback. He sees himself as a midfield back, and with good reason.
He is a big bloke who can catch the high ball, seems to have a tough attitude, and runs smart but moderately-paced straight lines.
Opponents will respect Jordie Barrett, but compared to what the All Blacks can throw around they won't fear him.
The All Blacks — for all of their successes and innovation — are missing a trick at fullback.