Andrea Sturmey grew up on the sun-cracked vinyl of her local rugby club and the frost-covered grass outside. She remembers those years clearly.
"When I was a kid, I remember the feel of the steel bar that went around the ground," Sturmey says, "You could do forward-roll flips on it. And I remember in a freezing cold winter just hanging on it or sitting up with my nana in the grandstand because she was one of those lovely old ducks that had a rug over her knee."
Her dad played rugby, then managed teams, like her grandfather before him. She remembers them being in the bar after games or practice.
"I remember eating way too many peanuts and drinking Fanta and getting sick on the way home after."
That was in an era when "girls weren't allowed to play rugby", she says. "It seemed frowned on, it wasn't even an option. We played bullrush at school. That was the closest to rough and tumble that I got."
"I dreamed dreams of playing rugby. Vivid dreams that would have me waking up going 'Oh, that was cool.' But I just could never cross the line to do it."
Those dreams became a reality in the form of her daughters Kahurangi and Rangimarie Sturmey who play together for the Manawatū Cyclones and featured in the inaugural Hurricanes Poua side.
Sturmey and her husband, Slade, are stalwarts of the Horowhenua Kāpiti rugby community, having coached, managed and walked alongside many young players, including their four children. But it is a road that hasn't always been smooth for their girls.
"They'll argue that they treat everybody the same. They usually don't. I have barely ever seen, in the time that I've been a sports mum, my girls treated the same as my boys, within the same code except by their dad."
It's a sentiment shared by Julia Apu'ula, who, despite being a keen netballer herself, ended up with a rugby-playing daughter.
"Me and my husband just had to kind of say to her, 'Sorry, but because you're a girl, you're just gonna have to try double hard,'" recalls Apu'ula.
Apu'ula's 12-year-old daughter, Blaire, is already a fierce advocate for the sport, part of a wave of young girls joining rugby clubs in recent years. She delivered an impassioned speech at her school last year to encourage more girls to play. But just as her skills and confidence are growing, she appears to have outgrown rugby's plans for her.
"She has created an entire lifestyle around it, like she is all about rugby, always has been," Apu'ula says. "I'd like for her that it always will be. But she can see already the differences between what will be available to her once she hits college and what's available to her (male) peers."
Pathways for girls can feel at times like Hogwarts' shifting staircases, with players and their whānau taking steps forward only to discover themselves at a dead end. Caregivers are left to contemplate relocation to access further opportunities or are stepping in themselves to fill the gap.
"With noticing the differences with girls and with boys, that's why I was like, 'I'd like to be a part of this committee to try and just change it.'" Apu'ula says.
She and her husband, Sam, have done just that. Joining a team committed to turning the tide on junior participation numbers, they helped grow the Stokes Valley Junior section from 120 to 230 players in just one season.
"We've figured out a good way of actually building the numbers and that was to bring the whole community together. So at the moment, Stokes Valley Rugby is probably the biggest community initiative going in that suburb," Apu'ula says.
"When you're driving past Delaney Park you see the whole field just full of kids."
While Blaire has the expertise of her gym-owning parents, Kahurangi and Rangimarie benefit from their parents' flexibility and prior knowledge of the system. They supported both of their girls to change high schools part way through their schooling, steering them towards better programmes. Gower was also there to drive Rangimarie to Wellington in 2015 to act as a ball girl to her now rivals, the Wellington Pride.
Reaching the top
Black Ferns veteran Aroha Savage is an example of how women can reach the top in their chosen sport. Savage thought she'd never be able to play for the Black Ferns.
"I thought it was a goal too far out of my reach," she remembers, "So I was playing for fun. Davida (Suasua) spotted me playing at club and selected me for the Storm and from there I was fortunate enough to make the Black Ferns. It ended up happening without me even knowing that it was possible."
Those possibilities for women's rugby in Aotearoa are yet to be fully realised. The findings of New Zealand Rugby's latest review validate the experiences of many at all stages within the women's game. To get women's rugby over the advantage line, Savage looks to this review to provide the road map for the way forward.
"There's a lot in those recommendations that can help." she says, "It's pretty much in line with exactly what I thought we needed. Especially the holistic and cultural approach to players."
Discussions in high-performance sport now have a greater emphasis on developing the person, not just the athlete. And that's what Savage will be looking for when her 11-month-old daughter, Sailor, is old enough to enter the sporting arena.
"So if I had three coaches from different codes come and approach me I'd pick the best coach, I wouldn't pick the best sport," she says. "I'd pick the coach that's going to look after my girl and who's actually interested in what she's doing outside of sport.
"The main thing I would want for Sailor is to ensure she is in a safe and enjoyable environment. I would also want her to know that there is more to life than just sport and it is important to have a backup plan."
Savage's longevity in the sport is supported by the life she has built around it, an investment in herself she encourages all players to do.
"That was never offered to me and talking to some of the other girls, they still work full time. I always question the younger players to see if they are supported with their careers outside of rugby."
As more opportunities open up for players at the top of their game, Sturmey also wants to see more opportunities open up for the next generation of talent.
"You might not have the numbers to choose your team from but you can definitely get a team," she says. "And if everybody can get a team, you've got a competition. And if there's a competition, you've got development, and you've got pathways."
Just start, she says, and keep going.
"Let us buy the jerseys and let us go watch the game. There might be 20 of us in the first crowd, there might be 120 in the second crowd, there might be 2000 in the third crowd and four years on, you might be able to sell season tickets. But you can't do any of that unless you start the ball rolling."
While those solutions may seem obvious, one of the biggest hurdles facing women in sport is the ability to change the attitudes of men around them, Sturmey says. Those men need to know what women are capable of and what they deserve, including respect.
New Zealand's rugby mums are not content with just identifying the problems, they want to be a part of shaping the solution too.
Says Apu'ula: "I'm more than happy to step into spaces to create these opportunities for girls, if they needed more resources to get that off the ground."
Savage too wants to be part of the change. "When Sailor's that age, I'm probably going to be that type of mum, too," she says. "I would want to offer my experiences and knowledge in a coaching role to ensure she is in a safe environment where players have the opportunity to grow and enjoy the game."
