KEY POINTS:
Jodi Te Huna is nothing if not honest. Four competitive games into her comeback from a career-threatening anterior cruciate ligament injury, the Rebels goal attack is not happy.
Her selection to tour England with the Silver Ferns is, in her words, based on reputation, not form.
"My form's
been pretty average. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I'm pretty hard on myself but my form's nowhere near where I want it to be," Te Huna says ahead of the tour this week. "But, putting things into perspective, it's only been four games in the past year and I'm still getting used to the intensity and what it takes to perform at that level.
"It's slowly getting better each week."
Te Huna is one of four shooters selected for this short tour, a departure from the normal three sent overseas. Also travelling are uber shooter Irene van Dyk, Maria Tutaia and new cap Paula Griffin.
The pressure is on. In the countdown to this year's world championships in November, each know they probably can't play their way into the squad with a good tour, but they could well play their way out of it, especially with the spectre of the internationally hardened Donna Wilkins (nee Loffhagen) still to declare her intentions.
"That's why Ruth [Aitken] has the luxury of four shooters, so she can try out different combinations. Maria has done a fantastic job - she's young and she's really only been playing that intensity netball for a year now. She's been there but she's got some competition now with Paula and I coming into the team."
Little more than a year ago Te Huna would have been a lock-down selection.
Now, if it hadn't been for the intervention of Commodore Frank Bainimarama, her world championship dream would probably have gone the same way as her Commonwealth Games dream.
With her nose ahead of now-retired Belinda Colling as the starting goal attack at the March 2006 Games in Melbourne, the 1.85m shooter was establishing herself as a core member of the squad.
Two days out from the Games she went down in a crumpled heap at training.
"I knew straight away I'd done something pretty awful and that was it, I was going home. That added to the devastation."
As Hurricanes lock Jason Eaton will testify, tearing an ACL can be a blight on dreams.
Te Huna, who turns 26 today, was thinking beyond immediate dreams.
"In the first three weeks I thought 'this is too major'. Even though I've seen people like Anna Rowberry and Tania Dalton come back from it, the feeling you have at that point in time is 'it's gone, it's over'. It was even more damaging to have it happen just two days out from the Commonwealth Games. To have that taken away gave me this feeling of 'why do you really want to keep going?'
"But once I was able to bike and run, I slowly started to feel 'yeah, I can do this, I can come back'."
The first part of her rehab was the most painful. Once she had seen a surgeon at home, Te Huna returned to Melbourne for the semifinal and golden finale.
"I was lucky enough to go over. Actually, I don't think you'd call it lucky, [what] I put myself through sitting through the semifinal and the final.
"As a player you don't tend to watch live matches unless you're involved. It was just a really weird feeling walking into that stadium having no affiliation to the team, just being in my jeans and my T-shirt, rocking up to a game and sitting there for 60 minutes.
"It was a really different feeling and," Te Huna pauses, probably wondering if she should admit this, "I didn't like it at all.
"Didn't like it one little bit."
Te Huna likes playing, but she wasn't sure how to feel about her first outing for the Otago Rebels.
"When we played the Shakers at Easter, it was my first 'real' game back and I don't think I slept for the two days before it as I was a little bit excited, a little bit nervous, about coming back.
"The next day I sat back and reflected and realised it was a really big thing for me to be able to come back and play four quarters, and come off injury free. There were little bits during the game that I didn't think about until afterwards watching video footage where I thought 'wow, that's a really big thing for me to be able to do'."
It's an even bigger thing to know you still have the backing of coach Ruth Aitken, even if you're quite sure your form is somewhere south of where it needs to be.
"Now the hard part is getting on court and performing, and staying in the team."
ENGLAND TOUR
May 13: vs England, Manchester
May 15: vs Australia, Birmingham
May 17: vs England A, London
