Netball: The biggest loser

There seems to be only a faint pulse in The Pulse and the only title they can win is the one no-one wants. Photo / Getty Images

Since the turn of the century, three teams have stood out from the pack in terms of incompetency. Raise your glasses as one in a toast to this triumvirate of woe. At last, something the Pulse can win: the title for worst professional sports team in New Zealand since the turn of the century.

The Pulse win hands down for sheer futility. Worse, there is an overriding sense of hopelessness.

It is inconceivable that a team can be so poor in a start-up competition that was founded on the principles of a salary cap, a mechanism that is meant to ensure a semblance of parity.

But parity never appeared, leaving the floor open to its evil twin, disparity.

Perhaps a team that was created from the twin trainwrecks of the Capital Shakers and Western Flyers could never have expected to be good - but this bad?

The only point they have received in close to two years is the one they gained when the Fever's court became unplayable midway through their match last year. The Pulse trailed 16-33 at the time.

They have played 23 matches and won none. After today's loss to the Tactix, their aggregate total stands at 898-1157. Before you say, well that's not too bad, think of it as losing by more than 11 goals per game and then you get a clearer picture of their travails.

They might not break their duck this year and, let's be frank, unless there is some administrative intervention from Netball New Zealand, they might not next year either. They look outmatched on paper and even worse on court. Narrow losses pop up just often enough to provide false dawns, but they remain exactly that - false dawns.

* * *

They call it the Winterless North and for a period between 2003 and 2006 rugby fans would really have been wishing that was true.

Northland, the province that produced Peter Jones, Ian Jones, Richie Guy, Stormin' Norman Berryman, the Going, Dunn and Woodman brothers, could not muster up a single first division victory in 30 attempts.

The only spot of sunshine in an otherwise inclement campaign was the end-of-season victories in the laughably lop-sided promotion-relegation matches.

The once-vibrant Okara Park began to look like a graveyard, those wearing Cambridge Blue moved about as quickly as tombstones. So few people were enticed to watch that only a dozen potatoes were harmed in the making of the hot chips.

So mark down August 20, 2006, as the day it all began to change. The Taniwha travelled to Penrose to take on Counties-Manukau at a similarly sparsely populated Mt Smart Stadium and, lo and behold, they won 21-17.

The floodgates opened. Next weekend they drew with Hawke's Bay and a short time later they would beat the mighty Taranaki.

Those that harp on about the glory and tradition of the NPC would do well to consider that it might have showcased the very best of New Zealand rugby in its past - but it has also showcased its worst.

* * *

The late years of the Football Kingz might have been bad (last, third-last, last) but the two years of the New Zealand Knights were truly awful.

In their first season, 2005/06, a team with a healthy dose of ageing Poms won only one of their 21 games and at one stage lost 11 games in a row. They finished a massive 20 points behind the next worst side, and scored only 15 goals (0.7 a game) and conceded 47 (2.2) to finish with a goal difference of -32.

By the end of the season, only the most loyal - or masochistic - ventured to North Harbour Stadium and even Bloc 5 knew it was futile.

The biggest shame of it all was that manager John Adshead, who admitted later he underestimated the quality of the new A-League, damaged his wonderful legacy.

The second year was better - we're talking relative scales here - with two wins under Paul Nevin and Barry Simmonds, but the club fell victim to its own lack of success and almost folded.

The A-League revoked the Knights' licence and it passed to New Zealand Football, who managed the club for the last five weeks of the competition.

Ironically, it heralded the best on-field success with interim manager Ricki Herbert guiding them to three wins and a draw in their last five games to narrowly miss out on avoiding the wooden spoon. Small mercies.

- additional reporting by Dylan Cleaver