KEY POINTS:
Watching from the stands it's easy for the average bloke to be taken in by the grid girls - or brolly dollies - as they sashay onto the grid in their figure-hugging uniforms.
These beautiful creatures stand next to drivers and cars and add even more glamour to
the sport. They bring the extra oomph to an activity that's inherently about noise, dirt, dust and the smell of burnt oil.
Mixing a lot of semi-naked flesh with big, fast, loud cars is most blokes' idea of a good day out. And just in case a male motoring enthusiast should recognise one of these creatures in a bar over the weekend in Hamilton, here's a bluffer's guide to the supercar lingo, to convince the grid girls that you are a racing driver.
But remember: At the end of the evening when she says "let's light the tyres up and lay some rubber" she doesn't mean she wants to set fire to your car's wheels and then have safe sex. She means it's time to leave.
APRON
IT'S NOT The thing your mother wore and you buried your head in when you couldn't get what you wanted.
IT IS The flat area of a racetrack that separates the track from the infield.
BANKING
IT'S NOT What business owners do when they take earnings to the ASB.
IT IS The angle of the racing surface from the apron to the outside of the track.
BINDERS
IT'S NOT The things you keep your stamp collection in.
IT IS Your brakes.
DIRTY AIR
IT'S NOT A heavy wind full of dust, dirt, leaves and the like.
IT IS The disturbed air behind the car in front that affects the following car's handling.
DRAFTING
IT'S NOT Being called up to go to Afghanistan.
IT IS Two or more cars running nose-to-tail to get a tow down a straight.
FAST PEDDLER
IT'S NOT Last year's Tour de France winner - nor is it Haydon Roulston.
IT IS A particularly fast driver.
FLATTEN IT
IT'S NOT A tree-hugger's suggestion on what to do with cardboard boxes.
IT IS Ramming the throttle to the stops to go as fast as possible.
HOOKED UP
IT'S NOT Convincing the girl of your dreams to go back to your place.
IT IS Getting off the startline with the minimum of wheel spin and a good handling car.
KITTY LITTER
IT'S NOT The stuff cats pee in.
IT IS Also called a gravel trap, it's the run-off area on the outside of a corner.
LOOSE
IT'S NOT Your lucky night - this isn't a woman of suspect morals.
IT IS A car that's not handling well.
MARBLES
IT'S NOT What you play as a child and then gradually lose.
IT IS Used to describe bits of rubber that collect just off the racing line.
ON THE EDGE
IT'S NOT Standing on a rooftop contemplating suicide.
IT IS Pushing a car to the limit.
SIDEWAYS
IT'S NOT A new sexual position.
IT IS A term used to describe a car's aspect when it's lost traction.
WRENCH
A mechanic's tool and not to be confused with a wench.
No matter what your stance is on eye candy, I defy anyone not to have a peek at the girls, resplendent in next to nothing.
