God bless American sports. It's big and flashy, and the fans prefer geese to Kim Kardashian. Last week I attended The Rams v The Dallas Cowboys at LA's brand new US$9.9 billion Sofi Stadium.
The place is enormous, the hype overwhelming, and the fans rabid. It's dangerously fun. Especiallyconsidering the size of some of the Cowboys' supporters. Getting that excited and yelling that loud while slamming that many hot dogs has got to put pressure on the heart.
Most football screens are attached to the edge of the stadium; Sofi has the infinity screen, hanging in the middle, 40m above the playing field. The largest LED content playback system ever deployed — 80 million pixels blasting out high-volume graphics, replays and hype directly into your eyeballs no matter where you are sitting.
This is LA, so there are lots of superstars in attendance. At the last home game, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was out on the grass calling for a Rampage!! Magic Johnson was at this one, and the place went crazy; they couldn't have yelled louder for the ex-LA Lakers superstar.
Then Danny Trejo appears on the video screen from his seat, and they go even wilder. An acknowledgement of the man's excellent film and TV career and his chain of delicious Taco restaurants. Next up, reality TV superstar Kim Kardashian waves from a corporate box in all her glamorous glory and the giant stadium boos in unison to their throats are sore. The loudest negative reaction I have ever heard. The dislike of this woman seems to cross all races, ages, classes and genders. It was heartwarming to witness.
Danny Trejo starring in Machete Kills. Photo / Supplied
Other stars in attendance included New Zealand's Jono and Ben, Spanners Watson from the 2001 Kiwi TV show Back of the Y and a guy I met at a bar who once played with a Soundgarden covers band.
Sofi is rammed with humanity but is so well designed you can access a beer, take a wee or spend a million dollars on Rams merchandise at any time throughout the game.
The only stain on the otherwise perfect occasion was my attendance. Like many New Zealanders, the further I travel to watch a beloved team play, the worse they do. I blame New Zealand's loss in the 2019 Cricket World Cup entirely on my mate G Lane. If he hadn't travelled all the way to London in a hastily organised last-minute dash, we would have won.
The Rams triumphed at the Super Bowl in February. They are not the same team with me in attendance. Ninety seconds in, quarterback Matthew Stafford gets knocked on his back, spills the ball and the Cowboys score.
A tip for anyone attending October football in LA, don't wear super-tight jeans, woollen socks and leather boots. It's 28C before the Sofi glasshouse effect kicks in. As I write this, my pants fester in the corner of my hotel room. The smell is intense. I might have to leave a note for the cleaners.
While in LA, we also took in baseball at the beautiful Dodgers Stadium. As a fan who follows most of their 162 regular season games, it was a dream come true to be there with 50,000 others for their postseason National Division Series clash with the Padres. Dodgers supporters are the most towel-swinging, merch purchasing and opposition-abusing fans you could ever wish for. Unfortunately, my presence leads to a heartbreaking 5-3 Dodgers loss.
On the plus side, a goose made a rough landing in shallow right field during the 8th innings, quickly impressing everyone in attendance with his cool demeanour out there in the middle of the park.
Most birds would be pretty freaked out to find themselves surrounded by tens of thousands of baying primates. Not this guy. The crowd cheered him as he evaded security and booed them loudly when they finally caught and removed him from the field. The hugely popular greater white-fronted goose was later released safely into the wild. Hopefully, this doesn't lead to a curse like the Chicago Cubs suffered when a goat named Murphy was expelled from Wrigley field in 1945. The Curse of the Billy Goat lasted 71 years, and I am really hoping the Dodgers can bounce back. Americans do live sports brilliantly. Sofi and Dodgers stadiums are wonders to behold. The tickets are expensive, making your way across big cities is a chore, and you can get very sweaty downstairs if you wear the wrong pants — but it's so worth it. One of the great experiences. Let's Go Dodgers, Vamos Rams and geese over Kardashians.
