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Home / Sport

Kris Shannon's World of Sport: Baseball rituals NZ should adopt

Kris Shannon
By Kris Shannon
Multimedia Journalist·NZ Herald·
23 Oct, 2015 09:24 PM7 mins to read

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We may know this afternoon if it's the Royals or the Blue Jays who have a chance at the World Series. Photo / AP

We may know this afternoon if it's the Royals or the Blue Jays who have a chance at the World Series. Photo / AP

Some aspects of American game would go down well here — just hold the stalls selling hard liquor

The World Series will begin on Wednesday when the New York Mets face either the Kansas City Royals or Toronto Blue Jays. With a preview of the showpiece rendered impossible by the pesky Blue Jays' season-saving win on Thursday - leaving the Royals with a 3-2 lead and a chance to clinch this afternoon - World of Sport thought it would instead be timely to present the best of everything around baseball. These are aspects of the sport that New Zealand codes would be wise to borrow.

Concession sellers in the stands

Fuelling America's obesity problem? Maybe. A convenient way to indulge in food and drink without missing the action? Definitely. These sellers march up and down every aisle throughout the entire game, offering everything from cold beer to hot dogs to cotton candy. Stuck in the middle of a lengthy row? No problem - your fellow fans will pass along your cash then return your goods with only a bit or two missing.

Radio commentary in bathrooms

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Being delivered food and drink to your seat leaves a die-hard fan with only one problem: how to answer nature's call while still catching every pitch. Achieving that feat may be impossible, even with regular breaks between innings, but there is at least a contingency plan on offer. Piping radio commentary of the game over the bathroom speakers ensures those sudden roars coming from the stands are never met with too much regret.

High-fiving strangers

Perhaps something a fan will want to avoid while in the bathroom, this can be great fun in the stands. Everyone's your buddy when your team hits a home run, with supporters in every stand on their feet and sharing in the celebrations. The atmosphere also extends beyond times of jubilation, with a typical game featuring far more friendly conversations than what's expected in New Zealand.

Craft beer at stadiums

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A possible explanation for why everyone's so friendly. While supporters, of course, imbibe at stadiums in this country, lukewarm beer hardly creates a party atmosphere. The alcohol options at baseball stadiums, are much more pleasing to the palate, with craft beer stalls serving a range of quality drops. One thing that may be best left in the States: full bars offering all fans hard liquor. One can only imagine the carnage in Kiwi stadiums.

Removing hats for national anthem

While there are always exceptions, baseball crowds seem relatively well-behaved (NFL fans are another question entirely). That behaviour is on display before first pitch, when every supporter stands and doffs their caps in a sign of respect for the Star-Spangled Banner. I don't, however, suggest we also adopt another ritual two-thirds through the game, like how some stadiums "treat" fans to the staid God Bless America. The parks that play Take Me Out to the Ball Game are much more appreciated.

Coaches wearing the team uniform

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Easily my favourite idiosyncrasy from American's pastime. Why wear a suit when you can pretend to be one of the guys and wear the team kit? Managers even get their own number. My dream scenario for the World Series? The Black Caps take a keen interest while preparing for their test series in Australia and, after a bit of egging on, we see Mike Hesson in full whites at the Gabba next month.

Three craziest football owners

Cagliari president Massimo Cellino. Photo / AP
Cagliari president Massimo Cellino. Photo / AP

Leeds United were in a bad way before Massimo Cellino assumed control of the club in 2014, but the Italian has hardly been a picture of stability during his time in charge. Cellino this week fired his fifth manager in less than two years as the once-proud Leeds continue to battle away in the bottom half of England's second tier. But the billionaire is nowhere near the worst of football's deranged dictators.

1. Maurizio Zamparini (Palermo)

Zamparini sets the standard for an itchy trigger finger. The Italian bought Palmero in 2002 and, in a mere 13 years, has ushered 30 managers out the exit doors. His brand of crazy was obvious from the beginning, announcing he would execute each member of the squad if they failed to improve their form. "If my players keep being s*** I will cut off their testicles and eat them in my salad," he vowed.

2. Zdravko Mamic (Dinamo Zagreb)

Mamic boasts a solid hit rate of 22 managers in 13 seasons - but with the caveat that all the instability has produced 10 Croatian titles. The success hasn't helped Mamic's mood, however, telling one journalist, "You are a dirty monster, you stink, you never wash. I would beat you like a cat." He has also given a Nazi salute celebrating a win, fought a 77-year-old man and been charged with gross homophobia.

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3. Ken Richardson (Doncaster Rovers)

It takes a special brand of crazy to burn down your own stadium, but that's what Richardson attempted at Belle Vue in 1996, causing 10,000 ($22,522) of damage to the main stand in an attempted insurance scam. It was hardly the crime of the century - a mobile phone found at the scene contained a message sent to Richardson's mobile reading "job's done".

When in doubt, put the blame on Aussie Rules

Jarryd Hayne. Photo / AP
Jarryd Hayne. Photo / AP

Turns out Jarryd Hayne wasn't the only Australian having a bad week in American football. Hayne was dropped from San Francsico's game day squad after fumbling another punt in the 49ers' narrow win over Baltimore, but his snafu was nowhere near as costly as that of countryman Blake O'Neill.

Australian punters are a dime a dozen in the United States, recruited out of the Lucky Country for the booming boot they develop while growing up playing Aussie Rules.

That training helped O'Neill earn a spot on the roster of Michigan's team, one of college football's most historic programmes, but it also saw him the subject of death threats this week. At home against fierce rivals Michigan State at The Big House - with 107,000 fans watching on - O'Neill picked a pretty poor time to screw up, turning a certain win into an agonising loss in one moment of madness.

The 22-year-old had to only catch the ball and punt it downfield for Michigan to seal victory but he fumbled the snap and, instead of jumping on the loose ball, eventually turned it over, allowing Michigan State to race downfield for a last-second victory. And O'Neill pointed the finger squarely at his Aussie Rules instincts when explaining the play.

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"We're sort of taught to pick up and move it on," he said after a few days of abuse online.

"I tried to sort of kick it over my head, and that didn't work out." No, no it did not.

The curse continues

After these pages last week examined the Chicago Cubs' history of misery, it would only be fair to provide an update on the plight of the cursed franchise. And it's not good news, I'm afraid.

On Back to the Future day itself - the very same day the cult classic predicted the Cubs would win their first World Series in 107 years - Chicago were instead swept by the New York Mets in the National League Championship Series, losing all four games to end yet another season without a title. But, on the bright side, check out Cubs manager Joe Maddon's sweet ride! After presiding over two straight losses at Wrigley Field to round out the series, Maddon was at least able to travel home in style.

A picture of Joe Maddon's 1970s customised van. Photo via Twitter
A picture of Joe Maddon's 1970s customised van. Photo via Twitter

Shortly after being appointed Cubs manager late last year, the brilliant and quick-witted coach joked he would spend some of his newfound fortune on his dream vehicle - a 1976 Dodge van. "I wanna get my old shaggin' wagon," he said, "and just bound around in one of those." Well, turns out he wasn't joking.

Maddon was earlier in the week spotted driving to the Cubs ballpark in his new purchase, and it's fantastic. A gleaming bronze paint job is interrupted by a sweeping desert vista along the outside panel, while the van is replete with carpeted walls on the inside. All we need now is a new rule mandating every coach uses their "old shaggin' wagon" as a primary mode of transport.

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