KEY POINTS:
A good week for ...
Seeing a menacing West Indian fast bowler stuff the English for 51 runs is a blast from the past. Jerome Taylor wins our salutations for guiding the West Indies to a comprehensive innings and 23-run win with his devastating haul of five
for 11 in the first test at Sabina Park. Perhaps he was motivated by another West Indian legend, Usain Bolt, watching from the stands.
All of which raises the question: is a 55 in the modern era worse than a 26 in the old days? We reckon it is.
Kelloggs have bummed out the world's dope heads. The cornflake kings won't support Olympic hero Michael Phelps after he was photographed with a pot pipe, so weed aficionados downed bongs and called for action in support of the Phelps-meister. More than 2300 members of the Marijuana Policy Project have signed an online petition. "Kellogg's had no problem signing up Phelps when he had a conviction for drunk driving, an illegal act that could actually have killed someone," said Rob Kampia, the group's executive director. "To drop him for choosing to relax with a substance that's safer than beer is an outrage, and it sends a dangerous message to young people."
To sign up, go to www.mpp.org.
Speaking of messages to young folk. Phelps partied with marijuana - a drug that doesn't improve sporting performances - and has been suspended from swimming. Alex Rodriguez juiced up on performance-enhancing drugs for three years and has to do nothing more than sit through an awkward TV interview.
Former England hooker Brian Moore summed up the entire ELVs debate nicely at the weekend, as Martin Johnson's clowns staggered to victory over Italy. "Doesn't matter what set of laws they've got, if they don't want to play rugby they won't." Well said, that man.
Sven Goran Eriksson reportedly stands to pocket a 1 million ($2.75 million) bonus if he keeps Pompey up in the Premier League. Good money for standing around waiting for Sol Campbell to get his act together. The Swedish lothario will be a good match for Pompey, who also, it seems, have developed a tendency to go down.
It's been a great week for Craig Kardon. He's to be Ana Ivanovic's new tennis coach. SuperShorts' application must have been lost in the post.
Thanks Alinghi, for reminding us what America's Cup class racing is all about: protest flags and lawyers.
A bad week for...
Think it's too early for the rugby season to begin? Well NRL players are already in full swing across the ditch. Newcastle centre Wes Naiqama has been stood down by the club while police investigate an incident at a pub. A woman said she was cut in the face when struck by a plastic cup. Knights chief executive Steve Burraston said: "He hasn't been charged with an offence so it is difficult to act until after the police have been given time to conduct their investigation." Start as you mean to go on.It's a knockout
Kazumi Izaki, of Japan, has had her bid to emulate George Foreman by winning a world boxing title at 45 knocked out by the World Boxing Council. The WBC reckons she's too old and won't allow her to fight Mexico's Ana Maria Torres for the world superflyweight crown. So its okay for old men to voluntarily have their brains knocked about, but not old women. Paging Mr Hypocrisy - Dr Double-Standards is on the line for you.
They're pretty good in front of goal but lousy behind the wheel. Just a couple of weeks after Cristiano Ronaldo made a mess of his Ferrari on the way to training, Manchester United frontman Carlos Tevez has landed himself in car trouble. The Alice-banded Argentine was pulled over by the Mancunian Five-Oh on account of the suspiciously tinted windows on his 140,000 ($312,000) Bentley. Turns out the windows were legit but his licence wasn't. Result: Car impounded.
Skier Lindsey Vonn can't handle her alcohol. After winning the women's downhill and super-G events in Val d'Isere, the American went to spray champagne over guests at a party to celebrate her feats. Trouble is, some wit had opened the champagne bottle with the edge of a ski, leaving a nasty, jagged bottle top. A lot of yelping, several litres of blood and a heap of stitches later, Vonn said: "I think I'm safer skiing downhill at 85 miles per hour."