Supershorts: Keep your eye on the ball(s)

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Great news for those with an interest in talent spotting. The coach of Chinese third division side Tianjin Locomotive has developed a foolproof method for identifying young boys who could mature into great soccer players. "Genital examination is necessary," the unnamed guru says. "Looking at a boy's penis size and shape can give you an idea of his hormone level. Boys with short, thick genitals and tight scrotum are good for football players."

That coach might get the sack.

Channel No 1
Spoilsports? The French? Never ...

The Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys are trying to put a stop to the decidedly English pursuit of swimming the Channel. "This continuous increase of swimming creates a danger which is getting more and more important every year," says Jean-Christophe Burvingt, of the French coastguard. "I think that there will be a collision."

By which he means swimmer v ship; the Channel - or "La Manche" as the Snail-Hunters call it - is the world's busiest seaway. But as the French move to ban all crossings, the Brits are fighting them on the beaches. "We believe that cross-Channel swimming adds to the gaiety of the nation," says Mark Clark of the Coastguard and Maritime Agency. "But crossings of a more unorthodox nature, such as by bath tub or pedalo, are irresponsible given the volume of traffic through the Dover Strait."

Channel No 2
On which note, let's pause to salute the first Channel swimmer, Captain Matthew Webb, who got across with steady supplies of meat pies and port handed to him from a support boat.

Webb took 21 hours and 45 minutes to swim from Dover to Calais, his arrival witnessed by the mailship The Maid of Kent. "Never shall I forget when the men in the mailboat struck up Rule Britannia, which they sang, or rather shouted, in a hoarse roar," he recalled.

Things didn't always work out so well for Webb. Short of cash, he embarked on a series of stunts, culminating in his 1883 attempt to win £12,000 by swimming the whirlpool rapids at the foot of Niagara Falls. "If I die they will do something for my wife", he said, looking at the crowd. He died. They did something for his wife.

In the rough
Things are heating up in the golf at the Asian Games, where Afghanistan's Ali Ahmad Fazel has just about got his eye in. The 19-year-old from Kabul took 13 shots to go in at the first hole, but improved fantastically to finish the round just 58 shots over par.

"I had a good performance today," said Fazel. "The course is more difficult from what we have in Afghanistan.

"[Tomorrow] I have to be more accurate."

His teammate Hashmattulah Sarwaree put things in perspective. "There are only nine holes in Kabul and no water traps," he said. "And there are no trees, and we only have one tee to share."

GOOD WEEK FOR... Australian drinkers
In the week that England's "yip doctor" came under the media spotlight, every Aussie has been promised one free beer from Carlton and United Breweries should they win the Ashes.

BAD WEEK FOR... Ivo Ivanov
The Levski Sofia defender set a new record, taking just 14 seconds to score an own goal when he came on as a substitute in the 87th minutes of a Europa League tie against Lille.

THE NUMBER... 47
Tests since a New Zealand opening partnership reached 100 runs (way back in June 2004) as Brendon McCullum and Tim McIntosh did this week.