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Home / Sport

Irish Examiner columnist's hilarious explanation of Rugby World Cup rules

NZ Herald
21 Oct, 2019 02:18 AM3 mins to read

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An Irish Examiner columnist's explanation of the Rugby World Cup rules has been praised on social media for pointing out that "New Zealand wins" every game.

In an Ask Audrey column from 2015, which was recently posted on the New Zealand Reddit thread, Karl from Berlin wanted to learn the rules for the Rugby World Cup.

But when Audrey explained the rules to the clueless gentlemen, the lifestyle columnist didn't give him a technical answer.

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Q: "Guten Tag. I am in Cork for three months and see that everyone is watching the Rugby World Cup. Can you explain the rules?" Karl wrote.

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A: "Here is my understanding of how it works," Audrey replied.

"The fat guys all run into each other, while the slightly slimmer guys stand in a line watching them. Eventually the fat guys get tired and have a lie down on top of each other.

"The ball comes out the back of this lie down and the skinnier guys kick it back and forward to each other for half an hour. Then the fat guys wake up and start running into each other again.

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"Every now and again the referee stops play because someone dropped the ball. That's the only thing you are not allowed to do in rugby. Everything else would appear to be okay.

"Sometimes one group of fat guys pushes the other group over the line and there is some manly hugging, but no shifting like in soccer. After 80 minutes they add up the score and New Zealand wins."

"After 80 minutes they add up the score and New Zealand wins." Photo / Reddit
"After 80 minutes they add up the score and New Zealand wins." Photo / Reddit

Kiwis on Reddit enjoyed the columnist explanation, with many commenting that her "rules" made more sense.

"If someone explained rugby to me like that I might have started watching years ago," one person wrote.

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Another added: "Sums up about what I know. I don't care about rugby, but I do at least like it when we win because it makes everyone else happy."

Others found Audrey's answer funny as she mentioned at the end of each game "New Zealand win".

"I'm chuckling at the thought of NZ winning a match they didn't even play in," one person wrote.

Another agreed: "Love how whoever wrote this, presumably Irish, is aware NZ wins, regardless of who is playing."

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