nzherald.co.nz has live scoring of the first test between the Black Caps and India from 11am today.
First, an apology to my wife.
Having upscaled to the HD hilt in a technological frenzy, I assured her that viewing advances had gone as far as they could for awhile and the retirement fund was safe from further raids for some time.
She didn't believe this for a moment,
replying that upgrade should have been my middle name.
Well, news has broken that three-dimensional television viewing is on the way - 3D is apparently no longer a matter of if, but when. Sport, we have to presume, will never be the same.
In my defence, I did mention - although very quietly - that 3D was on the horizon, although never for a moment believing it was just around a corner you can virtually touch.
Holy Hologram, because a British broadcaster says it is about to deliver 3D viewing THIS YEAR.
"All" you'll need is a new 3D-capable television. Some TV manufacturers claim we won't even need special glasses to get the 3D effect.
This has to be the final TV frontier because there isn't such a thing as 4D, is there?
So plain old boring HD might already be a thing of the past, even though most people haven't got it yet.
We are about to be treated to a viewing experience so real that if it was available now, you could almost climb the scaffolding at Eden Park without leaving home.
Will 3D improve the sporting experience though? It's all very clever, bringing the flat screen to life, but having Murray Mexted in the living room might not be an improvement in some people's minds.
Real reality TV is here and the future taken care of. If only the boffins could find a way of upscaling the old film.
Just imagine a 3D perspective on these:
1: Graham May, Commonwealth Games, Christchurch, 1972
Weightlifting's finest moment. The giant Kiwi wobbled, lost control of his weights and then crashed in slow motion towards the crowd, which included royalty.
Imagine if, thanks to 3D, you had to leap to safety as the mountainous May smashes into your living room. A bonus interactive package could put a hole in your back wall and break a bone in your foot.
Later, the manufacturers will provide a firmware update that enables Princess Anne to dive for cover across your living room. If they ever work out how to 3D sporting moments from the past, this is a sitter for the treatment.
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2: The disputed goal at the 1966 World Cup soccer final, Wembley
English striker Geoff Hurst's forever controversial goal would be well worth the 3D treatment. Did the ball cross the line or were the West Germans robbed? Now, instead of relying on long-winded academic studies on the issue, lie on your floor and see if you can poke your finger in a gap between the ball and the goal line.
Remembering the whole of the ball has to cross the line, you might also use something really square - perhaps a hologram of Kobus Wiese's head - and plonk it on the goal line to see if the goal should have been allowed.
>>Video: Geoff Hurst's disputed goal
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3: Kobus Wiese
Speaking of Kobus Wiese, wouldn't it be amazing to have the huge former Springbok-turned-commentator virtually in your lounge? Wiese looks as if someone got hold of Richard Loe and pulled him outwards every which way then pushed down from the top to eliminate the neck. He could end up looking so real you'd want to hide the biscuits and strengthen the couch. We can still look forward to that.
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4: Ronaldo at his worst (diving)
You'll be able to poke more than a finger between the Manchester United star and the many hapless defenders (and referees) who have been duped. At times, you could fit a bag of crisps and at least one of the remote controls in the gap.
Ronaldo has clocked up more air miles than the Flying Nun - there are skid-row drunks who stay on their feet longer. And now you'll be able to crawl around the living room, judging for yourself whether Ronaldo has been clattered or not. Ronaldo at his best will also be well worth a 3D look. Move that coffee table because Ronaldo wizardry is worth having in the house. Long free kicks will swirl past the lamp shades and his scintillating runs will even take you and the Man U star into the hallway at times.
>>Video: A classic Ronaldo dive
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5: Billy Slater chucking the ball over his head to give the Kiwis a try
This pivotal moment from last year's league World Cup final would look good anywhere. Many of us have waited decades for an Aussie league star to do something we thought only our blokes did. You could paint Slater's Hail Mary moment on an old biscuit tin and it would still be worth looking at for a few hours. Getting a 3D peep at it would be the icing on the cake.
>>Video: Billy Slater flings the ball to Benji Marshall for a Kiwis try
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6: The underarm incident
A firmware update and interactive game will enable you to argue with Greg Chappell after he has ordered brother Trev to bowl underarm. You can then run up the pitch, flick the ball up with your foot (so long as it's recovered from the Graham May game) and allow Brian McKechnie to smack the ball into the neighbour's backyard. You can even bump into any Chappell you care to afterwards.
>>Video: The underarm incident
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7: Muhammad Ali v Joe Frazier, Ali's jungle rumble with George Foreman, Ali v Sonny Liston, Ali versus anyone.
Honestly, just imagine if retrospective 3D worked a treat and you could watch Ali fights as if they were live. Heaven. They'd be almost as good as 3D Ali interviews.
>>Video: Ali v Foreman
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8: Mahe Drysdale's Olympic bronze
Feel the exhaustion and the pain like never before as an ill Drysdale claws his way to a medal in China. The next bit might need censoring though.
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9: Lance Cairns hitting a one-handed six off Dennis Lillee at Melbourne
The swish of the mighty Cairns' Excalibur bat will almost knock your cup of tea off the side table. Come to think of it, replays of that wonderful day in the early 1980s are in short supply. A heavy and bitter defeat never tasted so good. When was the last time we saw that one-handed six on TV?
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10: The 1981 flour-bomb rugby test between the All Blacks and 'Boks at Eden Park
Stagger about with Gary Knight while a light aircraft seems to buzz around your lounge. Drum up the full experience with a modern green-conscious twist - sprinkle a bit of stoneground organic unbleached around the room as the drama plays out. This could be 3D at its very best and even more fun than virtually getting between Phil Mickelson and lippy caddy Steve Williams the next time Flabby Phil and Tiger Woods go head to head.